Fallen Star

There's a special house at UCSD. It's not real, but only a piece of art that for all intent and purposes looks like a real house and it's furnished with all the trappings we expect in a home. However, this building hangs off the side of the engineering building on campus in plain sight of anyone who turns their eyes heavenward for even a brief moment.

It bears the name Fallen Star for significant reasons and there's a universality to its moniker. Physically the home is disorientating. Inside its walls our realty is made subjective, our point of view and everything we accept as true is shaken up for a few brief moment. We are forced to question all that we know to be true and truly view the world around us in a different way.

And thus, this physical manifestation becomes a perfect symbol for the reality that most every person goes through. In high school when we're maturing and trying to figure out who we are amidst waves of peer pressure. Starting off college, entering a foreign environment with new challenges, not knowing what to expect and not knowing where we'll be. Leaving college going off into the great unknown of the work force and continued life with other people.

And the beauty is that we are never actually there, because until the day that we die we will be sojourners in an unknown land. There's always a road to be traversed, new paths to be traveled into the unknown. Thus, the Fallen Star is always pertinent, because in some way shape or form we exist in the realm of the uncertain.

As we grow older we become less shaken and more comfortable, but in our youthfulness we can often get wade down by storm of doubt and anxiety. Our equilibrium is shifted and we are forced to question all that we once knew. But out of this difficulty comes great things that we could never expect, forcing us to shed our old skins and look at the world with new eyes.

While I look back at my four years of college I can see the cycles in my life more clearly. I can remember feeling like a Falling Star when I first got to this university that I felt unfit for. This wasn't the school for me. I was waiting for God to show me why he even placed me here. Sure enough, over months and quarters and years he has. Refining me, humbling me, forcing me to step out in faith and ultimately causing me to become more content in him -- through the joys and the trials.

Now this chapter is coming to a close and I look back rather wistfully, but I have more contentment and hope than regret, because I saw God do big things in my life and I know he will continue doing just the same. So perhaps I am once again leaving UCSD a Fallen Star, transplanted and turned upside down, but then again that's what God did with the entire paradigm of civilization. Through the death of his Son Jesus Christ he turned the world upside down and that means we live our lives not worrying about anything.

Because what's the bottom line? In our confusion, disorientation, backwardness, and upside down state, our God is right side up, perfectly all knowing and sovereign over all of us. He's got the stars in his hands and we can be totally content in the fact that he will continue a good work in us -- even in our fallen state.

God's Plan (Not Ours)

It's interesting how God is really and truly the one who has the master plan for our lives. Whatever seems rational, whatever seems right and good, that might not be exactly what He wants for us. Time and time again we see always in hindsight what He was doing, but in the present sometimes it is incredibly hard to see his providence in our lives. But sure enough, it's always working, sometimes obviously, sometimes behind the scenes.

In Cru there is a booklet called Knowing God Personally which is simply an easy aid to help and try and explain the Gospel and the Christian life to other people. The first point goes like this: God loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives. I know it, but I don't always believe it. I hear those words, but don't often see it. 

It's nothing to get too caught up in, because it's just a fact. He is God and I am not. But he also extends us grace. I was reading through my bible today and in Job there is the memorable verse where the Lord of the Heavens and the Earth flat out says, "Where were you when I formed the foundations of the earth?" It's true. I wasn't anywhere and I wouldn't be anywhere better than that if it was not for Jesus Christ. Thus, when Christ encourages us to abide in Him, it's not always an easy entreaty, but they are words that we can trust. 

Even today, spaced out through a couple hours, I bumped into a roommate, had a short chat with an old roommate, and met two students from another campus ministry as they were going out to meet students on campus. They were these little interpersonal interactions, but with these interactions it was as if God was not going to let me alone and was really revealing that he is watching out for me. Yes, he does love me. Yes, he does have a plan for my life. 

I scratch my head. I question. I wonder why. And that's okay, but the bottom line is that I am rooted in Christ, connected with a community, but ultimately rooted in Him, abiding in his love and filled with his joy. I've heard it said that happiness is transient by joy comes in all circumstances, even the hard ones.

Recently I also started returning to some wonderful hymns from the people at Indelible Grace Music and the words and music in tandem have been equally stirring to me. They feel honest, real and truly beautiful. Listening to the words from the likes of John Newton and Martin Luther is really a treat. 

As always, all the glory to Him.