Meanwhile

This weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to go to my first Crossroads which is a retreat for upperclassmen so that they can gain insight and wisdom into how to approach their future while also making sure Christ is at the center of those plans.

I'm still trying to process this weekend because so much happened: so much was talked about, so much was seen and there was a lot to ruminate on. It is crazy to think I almost did not come but a last minute decision turned out to be a great one.

Over the course of the weekend James White spoke on Genesis highlighting the initial fall of Adam and Even along with the trials of Joseph. Here are a few key point that stuck out. First of all, each of us has a story which we already know the ending to, because Jesus has already sealed our future if we only accept Him into our lives. It is then a decision whether we allow God to write our story as He would have it or we try and take control ourselves.

Surrender is key because we have a God who certainly does not need us at all, but out of His love he want the best for us. He is not a God of restriction but a God of freedom who did not give up on us even when we so quickly fell away from Him. The whole narrative of the Bible starting with Genesis is a redemptive tale characterized by a stumble and stomp mentality. The pages of this book are filled with sinful, broken individuals who stumble but ultimately they have a moment when they crush the adversary. The ultimate example is Christ on the cross after who bore all the wrath in order that it could be stomped out for good.

Sometimes the dreams that we have for our lives are deferred and their can often be a sense of tension or confusion in those moments. But as He proved with Joseph, God is the God of the MEANWHILE. He is working even we don't think He is or cares. He has a plan even when we can not possibly see where it is going. We can find hope in the MEANWHILE because more often than not it can lead to an unexpected ending far greater than we could have ever imagined. I see this in the life of Joseph and I see it even in my own life.

Honestly, I came to Crossroads because I wanted to see Puerto Rico friends and I got to do that which was great. However, this conference had so much to offer through seminars, coaching and activities meant to guide me as I continue to think about my future. I got excited to be able to dig in with friends and acquaintances as we continually try and figure out how to better live our lives more and more surrendered to Christ. There are different options on the table and many exciting opportunities for a lot of students and I am grateful for what the Lord is doing.

I was also immensely thankful to not just learn more about my strengths and opportunities, but also to simply talk with my peers. This weekend was a wonderful time to refresh each other and share truthfully where we are at. We shared our thoughts, our fears and many laughs. I left the conference genuinely thankful for this opportunity to connect with other students and staff who I consider to be my brothers and sisters (They know who they are). I am exceedingly grateful for them and also that our God is the God of the MEANWHILE. He is working even when we can't see it. He will guide our story if we only let Him.

All the glory be His. Happy Thanksgiving!

Burnout

In one of my classes today we talked briefly about the concept of burnout which can manifest itself in multiple ways. There is your everyday exhaustion, then depersonalization and finally reduced personal accomplishment.

I know I have mentioned previously that I have felt exhausted, but this last week or two I have  been relatively rested physically (Sickness and sleep aside). However, if I am allowed to say so I do feel burned out. There are other types of jadedness beyond the physical. Furthermore, my mood has not been the best. I do not often show it overtly, but recently I have felt like I could be more understanding and compassionate towards others. Finally, in some ways there has been low personal motivation to push on in certain areas.

So in other words health wise and with school I feel alright, but my spiritual walk is affected by a kind of burnout that I want to remedy. I want to love others well and I want to do it with a joyful heart. I'm still trying to wrestle with what that looks like. Maybe this is just a season that I am going through. Maybe my role will become more clear presently. As of right now I'm not quite sure what to think.

I will continue to hopefully to get to know others on an intentional level. I will continue serving as best as I know how. I will continue striving to learn more and hone my skills. But it all means little if Christ is not at the center of my existence.

Recently I had a sort of revelation when I recalled this well-known verse from Romans 8:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~ Romans 8 38-39

When Paul makes this assertion he mentions some "bad things" like death or demons, but his statement is meant to be infinitely vast in size and scope since he is describing the most extravagant love in the entire universe. It seems like it can be implied then that not only bad things, but also so-called "good things" can get in the way of our walk with Him; maybe even "Christian things."

 I often call this irony "The Mary and Martha Conundrum," because I see it often in my own life. Like Martha I put the priority on service and what needs to get done practically which is not altogether bad. But as a result I can get annoyed and have a bad attitude and I end up missing the point entirely. Mary had the right idea since Christ was right in front of her she sat at His feet. That's the right response but it's not always the easiest for me.

The rest of this quarter I want to struggle and fight the best I can to let nothing get in the way of my encountering the Lord. I want to sit at His feet. This passage seems to suggest that nothing can get in the way, but it does not mean nothing will.

Let us pray that the Lord's love is always in us and we never know a day when we are truly separated from His love. I will end with this quote from Soren Kierkegaard that was powerful to me as far as the way I wish to lead my life. All the Glory be His.

"What the age needs is not a genius--it has had geniuses enough, but a martyr, who in order to teach men to obey would himself be obedient unto death. What the age needs is awakening. And therefore someday, not only my writings but my whole life, all the intriguing mystery of the machine will be studied and studied. I never forget how God helps me and it is therefore my last wish that everything may be to His honour." - The Journals of Soren Kierkegaard