Crossroads '15 Part 2

I think I really appreciated our speaker Daryl Smith because he was an earnestly passionate man looking to preach the truth while doing it with love and humor. A lot of what he said really resonated, because in truth, he asked a lot of tough questions or brought up some things that I don't often think about. Especially in the modern culture that we live in now. Here are a few of the stray thoughts I was left with:

Night 1

-The Will of God is not always comfortable or convenient, but it is correct. That's often a hard truth to accept but it suggests that there is a cost to discipleship. There is most definitely a sacrifice that we take on following Christ, but it is the correct one.
-Also, our modern world often believes in a cosmos that works without God, but we don't want to think like the world. They want to remove chaos but without God in the picture. Because the world says if it makes sense it must be God's will. It's almost like the world, by way of Satan, is trying to feed us this lie so that we make God into our own image. He does what we want. He never crosses our will, but then again if we look back, the will of God is not always comfortable or convenient. It's not always easy, and that's very counter-intuitive to the society we live in.
-We are called to serve the Lord out of brokenness. We are meant to hold onto the promise and not the plan, because that's all we need. The plans may change for our life, but certainly not the promise. That will never pass away. In trying to push towards that, faith causes us to move forward and fear paralyzes us.

Morning 1

-We have received a call from Christ and the truth is that Jesus would never call us anywhere that he hasn't already been. A Biblical call never calls us to a place or a position. Instead we are called to follow a person and that person is Jesus Christ. Our identity is meant to be in Him and Him alone.
That means if we are looking to get married someday our lives must be Christ-centered and not wife-centered or children-centered.
-There's a problem when we're not even going to entertain what Christ might be saying, and there are a lot of people do that including me. It seems like we must never completely write something off or disregard it completely, because God can lead us places or do things in our lives that we could have never imagined.Because, again, the will of God leads us to people.
-There was a cost but Christ has given us restoration and not condemnation.
-Beyond just being a believer we are then called to be followers of Christ as well. God calls you be Christian who is (enter vocation or major here). If we follow Christ the substance of the person we are reaching out to matters. Not their ethnicity. And we don't choose who we go to. He sends us.
-A net in our lives is anything that prohibits us from following Christ wholeheartedly.
-The question is: Are we willing to forsake profession, parents, and possessions?

Night 2

Luke 14.26

-We want to be a God pleaser rather than a people pleaser, and that means living with eternal perspective. Who are we going to follow? Are we going to take on the temporal or the eternal frame of mind? The latter means dying to ourselves each and everyday.
-It's when we are out of our comfort zone that God is then allowed space to work in our lives.
-The truth is souls are at stake right now. Christ didn't die so much to make me happy, but to transform me and make me whole. That's His vision for all of creation and that should be our's as well. If we look at our life, the dash (-) between the start date and the end date is important. Because that has major significance when our life actually begins. Life is not from birth to the grave, but from grave to eternity. That is true eternal perspective and this view is honestly mind-boggling to think about.

Morning 2

-We need to listen to only one voice and that's God's voice in our lives. We are bond servants of Christ called to be a blessing. We received grace so that we might be sent out. And we will never become a witness unless we first become a minister. God delivers His people and then sends them back out.
-Acts 26. 12-29
-An unregenerated person is a hopeless person and there are a lot of hopeless people who need the good news of the Gospel.
-He is God Almighty not God Somebody
-It's dangerous if we become so intellectual that we out think God and His word.If it's new revelation it ain't necessarily true revelation. The Gospel is the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ pure and simple.
-Lastly are we undercover Christians? Once again it should not be radical Christianity, but instead it should be normal. That's our vision for the world.

Big Idea: Pushing back against the American Dream, letting the Lord lead us, living with eternal perspective, and ministering to the lost people all around us. All of this is for His Glory!

Crossroads '15 Part 1

This was my second Crossroads Conference, but the surprising thing is I was not going in with any specific expectations. I just looking forward to a space for the Lord to speak to me, convict me, give me some inclination as to what my future looks like, and so on. See, not a whole lot of expectations.

I think the interesting thing is that I was not looking for some epiphany, but I was trying to be still and that trend actually began on Thurday night when we did a reflective scripture reading through Matthew 11: 28-30, and this helped me to get the right perspective for the weekend ahead. But of course such a time also is the perfect arena for fellowship, in groups, and one-on-one. We had a chaotic car ride full of delirium, and yet it was so much fun sitting through traffic with my roommates. There aren't any guys I'd rather go through torture with. It was great.

And at the actual conference I got to see family, friends, and family friends. Everything I could want. Last year there were only a few upperclassmen here: three guys and a few girls, but this year we had well over a dozen people from San Diego. It was certainly a different dynamic, but still a lot of fun.

I did some of the things we did last year like waking up early and walking to the coffee shop across the street to have some quiet time, and Psalm 77 really resonated, because once again it reminds me that in hindsight we can see how faithful our Lord has been in our lives. We were also able to grab late night gelato although we wound up at a different location than everyone else.

I heard from a few of my good buddies about their lives, met new friends, and got to reconnect with an old friend who I have not seen for two long years. It even included messages from a few of my friends abroad. Furthermore, there was time over lunch one day to share our collective vision to reach lost peoples, which in my case means the Japanese. I got to talk with folks who have a similar heart and to think through what God has planned for me. Does this mean going abroad in some facet or staying on the home front working with International Students like I'm doing now? I'm not sure. I did however get some practical advice on how to be a good steward of my money and finances as I navigate saving, investing, tithing, and offering.

Also, I do know that this weekend made me continually grateful for the community I have been blessed with the last for years -- the friends and influences that the Lord has raised up for me. In San Diego and all across San Diego. Although there was a lack of sleep, the food was great, and it was all I could asked for. In the interim before thanksgiving it gives me a lot to be thankful for.

My next post will be more specifically about what I learned...

All The Glory to Him,

Show Me Your Glory

Over the last couple weeks I've been reminded of God's glory and what that even means for us as believers. Recently I have been directed to Exodus 33 and specifically the parts where Moses is speaking directly with God. He comes before Him and asks for His presence or His face to go along withhim. Otherwise Moses and the Israelites have nothing to set them apart. Moses asks boldly of God: "Show me your glory!"

And the Lord agrees, although he qualifies it by saying he must cover his face, because no one can see His countenance and live. What are we to make of that? It's not so much that God is completely against all people, because in fact he was well pleased in Moses. But He is so wholly good that he cannot even be in the presence of any amount of evil or brokenness.He is so weighty that we cannot possibly look at him and live.  We don't mix. We can't mix. Unless something changes...

Like the hymn Rock of Ages says the Lord becomes a cleft for us, because just like God does here he protects us and covers us with His defenses. 

It's been a crazy thing to think about how God reveals himself to His people. In scripture it was in a burning bush or even in a whisper like with Elisha. Or even in the amazing creation that is around us each and everyday. But as humans do we even have even a small infinitesimal amount of understanding what the glory of God is? Can we even begin to understand this weight of glory? C.S. Lewis seems to suggest we do not in his essay "The Weight of Glory." What we experience and the things we idolize are "only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited." 

We just haven't quite gotten it and we probably never will, because based on the text it would probably kill us. Thanks be to God that we have Jesus Christ who through His death and resurrection tore the veil that separated us from God. Now we have access to the God of the universe in all his weighty, awesome, exorbitant amounts of splendor. 

Taking this into account, a prayer I have for myself is that God would "Show me His Glory." And in all honesty I don't really know what that will look like everyday, but my hope is that he might reveal Himself more fully to me each day. Maybe it's His creation. Maybe it's the things he's doing in me or the people around me. Maybe it's something completely different than I could never ever imagine in my wildest dreams. Who knows. That's my prayer. I want to know his Glory. 

It says in Exodus that when Moses left talking with the Lord his face was literally radiant. That is awesome. As I continue to ruminate on this topic this song by Third Day has really spoken to me.

All the glory to Him and Lord, Show me your Glory. 

"Show Me Your Glory"

I caught a glimpse of Your splendor
In the corner of my eye
The most beautiful thing I've ever seen
And it was like a flash of lightning
Reflected off the sky
And I know I'll never be the same
Show me Your glory
Send down Your presence
I want to see Your face
Show me Your glory
Majesty shines about You
I can't go on without You, Lord
When I climb down the mountain
And get back to my life
I won't settle for ordinary things
I'm gonna follow You forever
And for all of my days
I won't rest 'til I see You again
Show me Your glory
Show me Your glory
I can't live without You

Ghost Machines

Recently I have been thinking a great deal about the technology that fills our lives or in many ways infects our existence. Even recently I have been noticeably annoyed because my four-year old laptop that I use daily for writing, homework, and entertainment has not been running very fast (although it's gotten better with Windows 10). I have been impatient with the wireless which seems to run at a snail's pace based on my modern expectations. Even my phone has caused me some annoyance, because when I'm away at campus all day sometimes the battery seems to run down to nothing for almost no reason at all. 

These are little daily things that go on and they seem hardly consequential, however when I step back that's when I realize how sad this is. I was made in the image of the living God, to be for his glory, blessed by Him, so that I in turn can be a blessing to the world. As a Christian, saved by grace, I have a far greater calling that He has given to me. And yet in my daily lives I grumble about my technology. It's not fast enough. It's not good enough, and I don't even consider myself technologically inclined. But in many ways it seems like if we're not careful, technology and other good things can become too important. We all probably have heard this before, the idea that we make them into idols; that they become our gods so to speak. 

But perhaps even more so I am reminded of a song by Jon Foreman called Ghost Machines. The first few times hearing it I didn't quite get it, but after hearing some commentary on the track it all fell into place. Our phones, our tablets, our computers, and whatever else we have often suck us dry. They have no soul, no life blood, no humanity inside of them, but we often allow our lives to revolve around them. 

And isn't it true we become more like those things that we follow and that are most important to us. We are called to be like Christ, but are there times when I'm emulating my technology? Perhaps it's a stretch, but is it true that at times I become almost robotic and mechanical in my daily rhythms? My relationships play out on Facebook, on Twitter, or through texts. My Bible is on my phone, and people spend more time online than off. Could it be we are becoming more like our ghost machines? We are becoming more like ghosts. I do not want to be a shell of a person. I want Christ to daily and continually revive my soul. Because, like the book of Jeremiah talks about, I think we are often going to broken cisterns like our Ghost Machines for sustenance. We need living water that will replenish our very beings and give us life. This is as much for me as it is anyone else. But let us be mindful of this. Do not allow our Ghost Machines to harden our hearts and suck away all our joy. We were made for so much more than birthday posts on Facebook and hashtags. 

Ghost Machine - By Jon Foreman

All hail the siren of our time
I'm possessed when she passes by
she drains the best years of my life
she makes promises
she could never keep
ain't it a ghost machine
making a ghost out of me
after all her lies I'm surprised that I still believe
She haunts me with her laughter in my dreams
my ghost machine
Father forgive me cause I know
exactly how I spread my soul
my idolatry is in the pocket of my coat
I make promises
I could never keep
ain't it a ghost machine
ain't she a ghost machine
I'm still haunted by the faces on her screen
I swear she's gonna make a dead man out of me
my ghost machine
do you know yourselves?
I heard a voice call out loud
you define yourselves
by the things you can't live without
I deny it
I could quit at any time
but the ghost is a drug
but the ghost is a drug
she's in our blood
and I can't give her up
the clock the alter of our time
the thought the temple of our mind
then I've been sprinkling the blood of most my life
on the alters of my ghost machine
ain't she my enemy
the ancient remedy
the gods of all the empty promises that I believed
She haunts me with her laughter in my dreams
I swear she's gonna make a dead man out of  me

my ghost machine 

Reflections on Fall Retreat

It's crazy that it's already been almost a week since Fall Retreat and this is one of my first times to really sit down and attempt to reflect on the weekend. It was a mix of feelings, but overwhelmingly positive on a whole. I went into Fall Retreat more excited than even the previous year, because I knew this was my last one, after four years. It's wonderfully to see where the Lord has taken our ministry because it's so easy to lose sight of the fact that He has been so gracious to us. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we have to do next that we don't simply acknowledge his goodness which is in complete contrast to our own sin and insecurities.

That's what this weekend was a reminder of for me personally. And I didn't get enough physical rest (a testament to why I'm sick now), but the spiritual rest was exponential. There's something about getting away in the mountains, waking up early, finding a nice abandoned tree stump, and cracking open God's Word.

Psalm 37 particularly stuck out to me because it talks about the passage of time in a sense. A man is young and then he is old (In my terms that's 4 years), and yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken. This speaks to me reminding me that anxiety about my future whether it be jobs, relationship status, or anything is unfounded. God is good.

The recurring theme of surrendering continued coming back to me over the weekend as I prayed through, said allowed, and talked with close friends about my own insecurities that I need to continue to surrender. Another good reminder is that the Christian life is not about imitating, which I so often attempt and fail at, but it's much simpler than that. It's about letting the spirit inhabit you and make its home inside of you so you are so radically changed because the Gospel that it leads to massive side effects in your entire existence.

There were also some wonderful reminders about calling courtesy of Os Guinness, but really this weekend I was blessed with one on one time. One on one time with friends, praying, hearing testimonies, and just sharing meals together. But also vital one and one time with my Lord and Savior. I'm feeling refreshed, and in my worldly sickness, I somehow feel more alive.

All the Glory to Him.

Before, Now, and Yet to Come....

Before (2012)

Now (2015)

Church Connoisseurs, What it Means to Love Others, Etc.

This is going to be rather like stream consciousness so bear with me...

Last week I was sitting in the library and I read the opening line of Psalm 14. It reads as follows: "The fool says in his heart, there is no God." That's a pretty blatant statement to get thrown at you, but there's no way to interpret it any other way. It suggests that all these people around me searching for knowledge and success are fools and that's a hard pill to swallow and acknowledge.

However, there just doesn't seem to be any other way to look at this, but we do have to compare that with our own state. We are no better, because we too are fools. However, in our case we are fools for the Gospel. In essence out of our minds for Christ, which seems utterly ridiculous by the world's standards. In other words, this Psalm totally flips the paradigm denouncing the way of this earth, but also beckoning us Christians to live a different sort of life. One of humility, compassion, and one where we are totally in love with our Lord Jesus Christ.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today I was thinking to myself about the old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." In many ways that statement has weaved itself into my daily life. I like to call it tact, being considerate, and tasteful. But it got me thinking is not saying what we are feeling or holding onto that annoyance really any better than the alternative. What if instead of saying something that tears down, or not saying anything at all, we do the radical thing and say something that is honest, vulnerable, and ultimately fosters a greater connection with those around us.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Recently I have also been thinking a lot about what it means to find a church home. I am a very loyal person and I want to find a body and a family that I can get connected in and stay with through thick and thin. I am against division, for harmony and the like. College years are in one instance hard, because there is a likelihood that we will not be in the same place for a long time and yet the last thing that I want to create is a pattern of church hopping. In The Screwtape Letter C.S. Lewis aptly callas it being a "Church Connoisseur." But I can take solace in the fact if I live in the spirit God will put me in the right congregation. It's important to note that right doesn't always mean easy. That's an important disclaimer that should be put on the Christian life in general.

Culture and Learning to Linger

I really enjoy reading articles that consider how Christians can influence and create culture, because I think those are things that are so important if we want to radically change the world around us while bringing glory to God and recognition to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I also wish to acknowledge the importance of finding moments to be still in the fast-pace, break-neck speeding society we live in.

The first article I read interestingly enough was talking about how church people are constantly trying to reach and relate to the culture of the collective masses. And sometimes Christians don't do such a good job. We alienate, ridicule, or disappear rather than having an actual impact. The example the author (Jesse Carney) gave was actually Taylor Swift, a performer, who has massive appeal and is also a massive creator of culture.

It is suggested that her image is safe, friendly, and generally gracious, which is oftentimes the complete opposite of the way many Christians are perceived. However, for me I think it is important to make the distinction between being nice, friendly, and gracious and then dumbing down the Gospel.

I do believe that Christians oftentimes do not reflect Christ well, because we all fall short and we can become judgmental or even defensive when we feel like we are being attacked. Unity for that matter is not always the first word that comes to mind when people think of the Church. Hopefully that radical change can happen. But that won't happen from simply being nice and friendly. That's a starting point I suppose, but what happens when you're persecuted or when you're tired and vulnerable?

Thus, Christians need something more and I think it suggests we constantly need to be reminded of the scandalous and revolutionary nature of the Gospel. Being nice and gracious can only come if we acknowledge how much grace and love was showered upon us first. Unity will only develop if we recognize that each and everyone of us has fallen short of the glory of God. So certainly we can use the example of Taylor Swift as a touchstone, but our true model should always be Christ, because He is the perfect example, and just look at Him. He altered the culture He was placed in so dynamically in so many ways without being judgmental, and still speaking the truth in love.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The second article I read was actually quite convicting because it discussed the idea of learning to slow down and linger in an age that is so fast. Learning to be still and quiet in a world that is noisy. Learning to be patient and calm in a world so used to instant gratification. The example given was of the music service Spotify, which literally puts thousands, nay millions of songs at your fingertips if you so choose. And you can essentially listen to them wherever, whenever.

Music can in itself be a wonderful thing, and there really is no such thing as secular music, whatever the content, if it's looking to glorify God, whether its Bach or some modern worship band. It can still have the same purpose.

No matter, the heart of this article was about becoming more attuned to the world around us. In a sense inconvenience can be a gift, because it forces us to recognize the mundane and normally unexciting things with new found appreciation.

The author (Jimmy Needham) also makes the distinction of perhaps consuming less, but most certainly consuming it better, because you have ruminated over it, thought deeply through it. And I completely agree because I probably listen to more songs, but I do not get the same appreciation for each song, because I have listened to them over and over again so many times. For some maybe, but not all. Even reading books it seems like it becomes increasingly hard for me to work through the content and engage. The struggle is not with the argument, but even more simply focusing to what is on the page. I wholeheartedly acknowledge that this undoubtedly comes because I often have trouble slowing down in a world around me that's so revved up.

Another important fact that the author points out, citing the Screwtape Letters, is that this constant engagement of our pleasures and this instant gratification has a negative impact. It does not heighten our enjoyment, but diminishes it. It does not sharpen our senses to the world around us but dulls us more and more. In fact, in writing the Weight of Glory C.S. Lewis goes on to contend that humanity's desires are not too strong but too weak. That's quite the statement, but it seems valid when you think about it. Part of the remedy for this problem has to be learning to linger in the Spotify Age. It's something I need to reconcile and consider as I walk through my daily life. Am I being still and finding time to simply revel in God's glory? Am I even doing things as simple as talking to him, praying when I walk to and fro during my life? That's what I want to be doing, so I can take greater appreciation out of the everyday. Don't let me lose my wonder Lord.

All the Glory to Him

Learning from Habakkuk

In my infinite wisdom recently I told a friend who was wanting recommendations for a new book of the bible to read that they should read Habakkuk. After all it's one of the so-called "minor prophets" and yet I found the book very powerful the previous times I had read it. With this is the back of my mind, I realized I should go back to the book, because it feels as pertinent now as it ever was.

Why do I like Habakkuk? After all it's only 3 chapters, and yet those 3 chapters are powerful because of the way it's set-up. Really it's like Habakkuk is having a one-on-one conversation with God. He raises multiple complaints and each time the Lord comes with an answer for him. Finally, the conversation ends with Habakkuk rejoicing in the Lord and Who He is. It's a wonderful evolution we get to see working in the prophet.

Too bad we can't talk to God like that. That would be nice... And yet we can thanks to prayer, but I don't always maintain this conversation. It's seem like there are days that I go off grid in a sense. Really this should be a never ending conversation and never one-sided.

I love how Habakkuk opens his plea to God: "O Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not hear?" Does he sound like a complainer or maybe even a little annoyed? Maybe, but to me Habakkuk sounds human, like me.

I too have similar questions that have been going through my mind. Lord where are you in some of my relationships? Lord where are you in the midst of my future plans? Lord where are you in this person's life? Lord why did this have to happen to me? Lord where are you in my day to day rhythms? All these types of thoughts crop up, because they relate to where I'm at. When I look at Habakkuk, he's bemoaning the fact that the enemy is prevailing and the wicked seem to be getting away with their evil. It sounds like he has a lot more to complain about than me. And yet I especially loved one of the responses God gives: "For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told."

There is so much more to this conversation, but the important part is that it ends with Habakkuk maintaining his faith in the Lord. It's not that everything will be nice and rosy, because Habakkuk is wise enough to know that will never be the case. It's in spite of the trouble of life that he responds rejoicing with great joy, because he understands that God is worthy of it.

So though I may not know why my relationships are one way or another, or why something happens to someone I love, I can still praise my Heavenly Father anyways. I want this conversation never to end, because I desperately need it. I need someone to listen to my cries, someone to respond when no one else can or will. Because God does respond, just not in the ways we expect. Sometimes he comes in the whisper not the great storm. We simply have to be prepared to listen.

Thoughts on Calling

It's been a while since I shared my thoughts, but recently there have been two things that have been on my mind recently. The subject of calling has been a subject that I have been very interested in over the past few years, but I gained a renewed interest for several reasons.

The first was a sermon that was talking about culture and suggesting something that I wholeheartedly agree with. No matter your profession, vocation, or general lot in life, you can glorify God in and through that. We have this often dangerous assumption that positions as pastors and missionaries are the only ways to work for the kingdom. While this is very true, we need people in all facets of life and we only have to look at recent scandals to realize even those leading churches are broken. They are not "holier" or "better" than anyone else, because we have all fallen short of the glory of God and desperately need his forgiveness.

Two interesting examples of calling that have come to my attention were the Biblical example of Stephen and then the historical example of William Wilbeforce, who I have used before. We think of St. Stephen as almost a mythical figure, who was stoned to death and in the face of his persecutors had eyes possibly glowing, because he was completely filled with the spirit. It is a brilliant picture that Luke paints for us in Acts and it's easy to forget who this man really. He was a follower of Christ, but he wasn't one of the 12 apostles. His job was simply to hand out provisions to the poor and the widows.  When we think of that, it doesn't exactly sound like a prominent position and yet in the Kingdom of God it simply did not matter, because all that mattered was that Stephen was pursuing his primary calling to God. His secondary was the distribution of provisions and since he was an upright man I'm sure he did a wonderful job at that, but it fell under the umbrella of his greater calling.

Then if we look at William Wilbeforce he was really a fascinating story of conversion because he did not grow up a Christian and yet he became one and found himself a member of parliament with new convictions thanks to his faith in God. He openly considered becoming a pastor, falling into that type of thinking which says only pastors can do Kingdom work. His friend William Pitt (also a politician) and his mentor John Newton, told him instead to stick with his calling in parliament. And so his primary calling was again to God the Father in Heaven and his secondary calling was in the British government. He used his position and influence to abolish the slave trade and reform the Empire. It was a major accomplishment and just like season he followed his calling to bring glory to God.

It's humbly to think about such examples, but it's also truly freeing, because this suggests that we can follow our passions and interests knowing that whatever the road God has for us, we can still fulfill our calling to Him no matter where we are placed.  That's awesome.

All the Glory be His.

"It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait on tables. Brothers and sisters, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word. This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit..." ~ Acts 6: 2-5

Role Models

Recently I have been listening to a handful of Tim Keller sermons on all sorts of pertinent topics, but for this post I wanted to focus on one small point in one of his messages. The point he made was that Joseph is not so much an example for us to follow in the footsteps of, but what he really does is point us to Christ. That's a theme throughout all of Scripture.

If we go back to Genesis 37 Joseph has dreams that suggest that his brother and father are to bow down to him, and when it's all said and done he seems like a brat in some sense. His angered brothers sell him into slavery and he's sent off to Egypt. It's a story full of familial turmoil and, in reality, sin. But if we look at the end of the story, Joseph dreams actually do come to fruition, just not in the way he was expecting. God humbled him, molded him, and ultimately used him for his own glory. He does end up being the savior to his family and his story is yet another precursor to Christ. But the key point is it was all according to God's purpose, for His glory.

All that to say that Joseph's story points (not to Joseph) but to Jesus and I think that's a simple conclusion that I do not always acknowledge. Humanism, individualism, and self-actualization are part of the framework of our society after all.  Athletes, rock stars, actors, actresses, politicians, humanitarians are all looked up to by someone. I'm no different, I would name John Wooden, Mr. Rogers (yes), and Jackie Robinson as a few figures I've always held in high esteem. That's not inherently a bad thing certainly. But as a culture, we are so infatuated with role models and people we can put up on a pedestal, because of what they have done. We could even go out on  a slight limb and call them idols. That's not often far from the truth. We want them to be perfect. We want someone who is free from the bondage of all the sin and suffering in our world. That's an impossible expectation and so why do you think we have so many fallen idols? All people, even the "superstars," are human. Take a name out of the tabloids and you get the idea.

Even if we look at a place like Hebrews 11 it is easy to be in awe of all these Christian and Biblical heroes in the text, but really who are they? Why did they even do what they did? They were God's handiwork created to do good works which God prepared in advance for them to do (Ephesians 2). Thus, we shouldn't necessarily get caught up in emulating role models, because everyone falls. Everyone is besmirched and sinful except for Christ. And everything and everyone else points to Him and is for His glory.

To take a recent example, the "rediscovered" book by Harper Lee "Go Set a Watchman" supposedly paints a picture of an older Atticus Finch as a narrow-minded racist, who seems like a far cry from the man played by Gregory Peck in the film version of To Kill a Mockingbird. For over 50 years he stood majestically as one of the perfect role models put before humanity. I certainly thought so and now this new wrinkle puts his character in a different light, suggesting that even a literary character is not safe. I will admit that even this turn of events troubled me and made me a little angry. Why Atticus? He was so good! He was so moral! He was my idol! Exactly... It hammers home that absolutely no one is a perfect role model, even in fiction. We need someone else.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. - Ephesians 5:1-2

All the glory be His.

A Nice Reunion

I got to spend a nice week in San Luis Obispo with some friends and it turned out to be a nice little reunion of our time in Puerto Rico last summer. It's crazy how even a few days can be so rejuvenating to my heart and soul. Being in proximity with these people fills me with joy, not only because of who they are, but how much they strive to follow Christ. Their presence are infectious, since they challenge me and make me want to continue to grow in my own faith.

They help show me what beautiful potential there is if you have a Christ-centered community. They show me how to love others well.There can be laughter, excitement, vulnerability, growth, and immense joy. I can sleep on their couch, they can drop wisdom, or simply make me laugh. Unfortunately, some of these folks I don't get to see too often now (which makes me sad), but it is great being to live life with them once more and I am thankful to call them my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Now as I am back at home I am excited to continue in my disciplines so the growth and joy can continue. Also, I'm excited for my friends in Puerto Rico as they wrap up their last week. Let the Lord bless them and keep them in these final days on the island.

All the glory to Him.

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near" - Hebrews 10:24-25

A Year Later

It’s still crazy to think that a year ago today something totally earth shattering happened in my life that I would never have expected. It would have never crossed my mind. I didn’t see it coming. A lot has happened since then. Another year of school. Classes. New challenges. New struggles. New friendships. And I still don’t always understand why we go through certain things. I ask why Lord either in prayer or implicitly. Why?

I’ve been reading through the Gospel of John and specifically chapter 11 which talks about the raising of Lazarus. Usually what I’ve been drawn to is this passage is the fact that Jesus is deeply troubled. He weeps because all is not right with the world. However, death will not have the final say. That’s powerful stuff.

But I realized in looking at this passage, the reactions of the other players. The disciples, like us so often, seem like they’re on a different wavelength entirely. First, they’re concerned about safety (which I would be too) and then when Christ says Lazarus is sleeping they take him literally. They just don’t seem to get it (like we often don’t get it). And yet if you watch Jesus He works through the circumstances despite what they think or know. Christ says that he does it so they might believe and ultimately we can guess that it did have an effect on them, because they saw him working.

There’s also the reaction of Mary who has complete faith that if Jesus had  been around, her brother would have been saved. There’s faith but also probably regret and some bitterness. And yet she willingly takes Jesus to the place Lazarus died, and this whole scenario deeply moves Jesus. He can see the anguish in Mary.

The most troubling response though is probably from the Jews or those in the community. Some see how much Jesus loved Lazarus and are moved. But some of the more cynical ones question his actions and his omnipotence. Why didn’t he do anything about this or that? I have that same response often.

As we see He obviously silences them with his response and it’s something to ponder. God is hardly ever silent. Sometimes we just aren’t on the same wavelength and we cannot understand. But often out of the ashes beauty can and will rise. I cling to the words that He is the Resurrection and the life and whoever believes in Him will have eternal life. That is good news!

All the Glory to Him. 

Unearthing My Project Log

I came across my daily log that I kept in Puerto Rico awhile ago when I still down in San Diego. It was hardly in depth but it was fun to look over anyways. It brings back a lot of memories. Prayers go out to my brother and sisters in Puerto Rico right now and those who are heading over!

6/24 Aguadilla w/ Jess

Gabriella: Christian, family, friend killed
Mary: Catholic, not comfortable sharing faith, Biology student
Christopher: Pred-Med, worked on farm, also attends colegio w/ bro Christian, good handle on relationship w/ God, Massachusetts and practice English

6/25 Inter Americano w/ Syd

Zual-only person we talked to but we needed it
-praises
-led book club

6/26 w/ Jared

-Shayra + Jose
-followed up with Christian
-Gustavo-Christ is either lunatic or Lord
-spiritual discipline: silence

6/27 w/ Meg + Jared

-Lady w/ less English
-Roberto
-Follow up with Gustavo
-Beach

6/28
-Beach Boqueron
-Chico Goodbye

6/29
-Bonhoeffer-Relativism
-Paul in Acts reflecting on ministry
-"Hike" - twisted ankle
-Don Quixote
-Church

6/30 w/ Sam
-Jonathan (2hrs)
-Ivan-wants to become pastor
-Candy Bar awards (Symphony)
-1 Corinthians 1 + 2, John 3

7/1 w/ David
Javier-atheist/going to S. Carolina
Oscar-had to leave
Luis-recommitted
Gustavo-talked to him again

7/2 w/ Joe
Vladamir-Catholic

7/3 w/ Carina + Hank
Jose-Catholic Background
girl-high school student, God answered her, Cru high school

7/4
-Beach w/ Cru highschool

7/5
-Beach cleanup
-Surf shop
-Cambija for lunch
-Telephone Pictionary

7/6
-Talked w/ Roger
-The Movement

7/7 w/ Micah
-Krispy Kreme
-Alexis-girlfriend Catholic
-Ephraim
-Lunch w/ Diego, Andres, and Jose
-Taco Bell
-Parks & Rec
-Outreach Mayaguez Track
-Soccer, spikeball, pizza

7/8 w/ Hank
-Eury-spoke mostly Spanish
-Joshua-freshman, Psychology, relativist
-Julian-studying for MCAT
-Happy Bowls
-Brazil lost 7-1

7/9 At the house: cleaning, reading, blogging

7/10 w/ Micah
-Christopher agnostic, pessimist
-Alexis-Marine, latter day saint
-Nestor and Jeshua for lunch
-Alberto accepted Christ
-Men's appreciation/Bella's B-Day

7/11
-Caves and Arecibo
-Cowboys
-News about Tre

7/12
-Jobos beach w/ Jeshua + Ephraim

7/13
-Street Market
-Coffee Shop Rincon
-Chruch w/ Jeshua at The Movement
-Discussion on marriage, dating, and relationships

7/14 w/ Micah
-flyering
-talking w/ Jeshua
-soccer outreach again

7/15
-Playa Sucia w/ Jeshua, Ephraim, Jose, Nadia, Gabriel, Angelo, Romero
-Friend's Cafe
-Talk of siblings/schooling w/ Meg + Jess

7/16 w/ Micah
-Jeshua

7/17 w/ Hank
-High schoolers
-waterfall

7/18
-Women's appreciation
-cleaning, dance party

7/19 San Juan and Tres Palmas
-Lunch, Dinner
-Meg testimony
-celebration of project

7/20 Team time
-Old San Juan, fortress, etc.
-Quiet people discussion
-Meg/Carina testimonies

7/21 Team time
-Fortress old San Juan w/ Jeshua
-Airport then Caribo Hilton
-Sam, Bella, and Amy leave

7/22
-Day at the Hilton
-pool/dock/food
-exploring fortress/talking

7/23
-3:30 am left hotel
-flight to Fort Lauderdale
-Goodbye in LAX

Looking Back: Community and Spiritual Disciplines

The year is winding down and I look back with ideas of things I need to work on and many praises to lift up. I recently read an article talking about what is needed to build true community. Honestly, I was not that interested in the article, but more in the topic it attempted to tackle.

Community has always been something near and dear to my heart. Although many who look at me might find it hard to believe, I am a very social being. I love to interact with others and build relationships. It helps me thrive. It gives me immense joy. I look back at this year and I am very hopeful about the new relationships I was able to foster and the old ones I tried my best to maintain.

It always is so difficult since there are only a finite amount of hours in a day, but I tried to make a concerted effort to meet with people in my social circles, to get to know them better and hopefully to build community. I've always enjoyed doing that and I'm sure I will continue to do that. But there is always room for growth and my vision for next school is an even closer, tight knit group of individuals who feel comfortable. That's a vision, but hopefully with some intentionality it might be possible to get closer to that goal and more fully represent a Christ-centered community.

However, looking back over the year, although I would say I did decently in trying to foster community, my daily disciplines like time in the word and my prayer life honestly did not feel as solid and impactful by the end of the year. It just was not going all that well.

 So over summer, I want to get back into my daily rhythms and do everything I can to stay in community even if I'm not in close contact with all my school friends. It's true that summer can sometimes be a scary prospect, but it can also be a time of immense growth. I am excited to see what the Lord has in store.

In fact, I read this passage in another article recently and it really spoke to me. It brought to mind my time in Puerto Rico last summer where I felt like I really learned to surrender my sleep to the Lord. Surrender in other areas of my life is still something to be working on though.

"And, for a few, this may mean the most spiritual thing we can do is surrender our sleep for a season. Whether it's nursing a newborn, battling an illness or warring in prayer, we may voluntarily or by necessity set aside normal sleep patterns. In such seasons, we will submit our bodies to Christ, boasting in our weakness as we call upon God's strength amid an unwelcome thorn in the flesh (2 Cor. 12: 7-10) or standing in God's might against the devil's schemes (Eph. 6:10-11)."

On a side note, I also now really want to read Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together...

Anxiety of an ISFJ

This marks the longest time I've been away from the blog for awhile, but I think today merits a post on several fronts. The first being that it marks the anniversary of something very difficult that still sticks in my mind to this day. Also, today something very difficult happened as well and so it makes me think back to the message we heard last night at Cru large group. But first a little background is necessary.

Recently I have had a lot of anxiety between school, Cru leadership, other responsibilities, as well as my future plans, whether its in a few month or a few years. Even interpersonal relationships weigh on my mind. Sometimes it's like I'm just trying to go through some mental checklist to tie up loose ends so I have fewer things to worry about and I can finally enjoy my life. I think to myself if only I can overcome this or get past that I'll be fine. 

But if I know anything about life from my meager amount of time on this earth, it's that life hits hard because we live in a fallen world full of broken people and I am the first of these. I no matter how hard I try or attempt or strive towards certain things, I can never fully be the human being or live the life that I idealize. I not only want to measure up to others. I want to be above and beyond that. Now in reality I know none of that is possible, but that does not remove those types of sentiments from the annals of my brain. Maybe it's just a human reaction.

What I do know is that anxiety is a part of life and ironically that's what we talked about last night looking specifically at Matthew 6: 

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles run after all these things, and you heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

This makes it perfectly clear that there's one solution. Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and everything else will fall into place. It's hard truth to live out but it is the truth.

Another rather funny thing that happened is someone posted a humorous list of what personal meyers-briggs hell would look like and for myself (an ISFJ) it looks like this. "People you know are fighting and it's all your fault." It was a comical illustration, but it really did end up hitting home. I am someone who hates conflict and I hate being at odds. It's not the root of all my anxiety, but it easily leads to it when any such situation arises.

What is the answer that I am given: Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. That's where I need to begin.

All the glory to Him.

Remembering Women's Appreciation Puerto Rico

Thanks to a friend I got to look over this wonderfully cheesy poem from our stay in Puerto Rico. It's a doozy chock full of numerous inside jokes and great memories:

M’ ladies, m’ dears, there’s something we want you to hear

We have a few heartfelt words to describe you

And we hope you know that it’s true with all that you do

Your name defines what beauty is with grace and truth

You have a big heart and watch out for the little dog

You’re the yin to our yang if that were a thing

You’ve got moxie for days just like Cassius Clay

You’re queens of the beso, taking PR by storm

You love flora and fauna, even the dirt

You have as many kind words as each bug bite that hurts

You’re champions of spiritual pushups, strong in the Lord

You sing angelically like Elsa and you’re devoted like Anna

You’re a lady on fire, your greatest language is love

You guard our hearts and love our souls with tender care

Everything is awesome when you’re a part of our team

We wouldn't have it any other way

Because you love us and the Lord each and everyday

We hope you get what we were trying to say

You are fearfully and wonderfully made

Worth every single penny that Jesus Christ paid


You all are the Second Best! 

Redirecting to the Lord

If I were to read through my posts from this past year, I would not be surprised at seeing an ongoing motif running through them about tiredness and being burnt out. And as this Spring quarter continues, I feel like those same things applied for right now.

Friday afternoon following class I headed off with some friends and fellow Cru leaders to Escondido out in the middle of nowhere for a quick overnight retreat in preparation for next year. I don't mind saying that I have been mentally weary and in a relatively negative mood the last week or so. I don't always show it overtly but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings on the inside. It makes me realize more and more that spiritual warfare is something real. We are fighting a war here on earth. The devil is trying to get under our skin, whisper lies in our ears, and turn us into bitter people.

When I see tinges of that in myself it's rather disheartening and even a bit frightening. In fact, I brought some of that negativity into the weekend with it fully acknowledged, but it turned out to be a positive time. After the tough weeks and the daily grind, here was a kind of oasis that interestingly enough reminded me so much of our residence in Puerto Rico.

Although the humidity was traded for a gloomy chill, the home we were at was situated on a hill with wildlife and nature as far as the eye could see. There was a hammock and frogs croaked the night away like the coquis in PR. Although it was only for a day, we also had similar dynamics with meals together, recreation together, and most importantly time in the word and prayer realigning ourselves with God's vision for our campus together.

There was something soothing about it. Everything from getting to play ping pong late into the night, to waking up early after a lack of sleep on the hard floor and finishing off the book of Job. It was what I needed yet again and I was happy to share it with friends.

I certainly have not remedied all the thoughts plaguing me and I have not completely gotten rid of my burn out, but I was given a bit of rejuvenation. One passage we read in 1 Samuel 17 really stuck out to me for a several reasons and I will close with a few thoughts on it.

This passage is the famous account of David fighting the Philistine giant Goliath. Aside from the obvious conclusions that can be made about the crazy odds, there is a lot more that stuck out from this story. In essence it is not even David who is fighting Goliath, but God who is everything in the situation. In verses 45-47 David calls upon the name of the Lord to deliver Goliath into his hands so that the whole world may know His might. It is done for the glory of God.

Also, in this passage there also seems to be almost as much opposition to David from the Israelites as the Philistines. First, his older brothers are angry for him coming to see the fighting and then the king Saul has little faith in his ability as a warrior. The conflict is not as clear cut as good versus evil here. Furthermore, so often we take the moral of this story as being that each of us has giants that we are facing that we can take down even if we are as small as David. The inherent conclusion from this however should be that it is not about us really at all. The story of David is again all about God and his great power. As humans we make all of these Biblical stories human-centric. After all that's how they become relatable to our own lives. However, we cannot just stop there, but we must acknowledge that everything we do is for the glory of God and every obstacle we face is insignificant in comparison to His power and how much He loves us.

That doesn't mean that everything will be nice and rosy, or that we will do everything right and slay every giant. Look at David as exhibit A. He may have been filled with the spirit, but he was chased by King Saul as a young man and later on in his life he stole another man's wife for his own. It exemplifies that not everything went great for David and he certainly was not a righteous man all his years. But God does not see him as a sum of his parts, but simply as one of his own who had great faith. So what's the answer? A simple one that a friend recently reminded me of is that we need to redirect to the Lord and lean on Him. He is enough.

I went on a tangent once more, but it shows that this weekend was a good one! It gave me lots to think about.

All the  Glory be His

Veritas

Very simply put Veritas is Latin for "truth." It seems like an apt title for the Veritas Forum which looks to develop respectable and thought provoking discussion between Christians, Atheists, and people of all worldviews. Honestly, it's one of my favorite events at UCSD, because I think it is essence the perfect forum of debate for this campus full of deep thinkers and curious skeptics.

Representing the Christian perspective was Dr. John Lennox who not only is an esteemed thinker and debater, but simply a genuinely kind man. He and Dr. Christenfeld had numerous interesting things to say and I mulled through many ideas in my brain until I could hardly contain it all.

I think one thing that Dr. Lennox ended with really struck a chord with me and it paralleled another "aha" moment I had earlier this year. He made his Christian perspective relevant to UCSD by referencing our snake path that wraps around a small so-called "Garden of Eden" and leads up to the famed Geisel Library. I think he said something to the effect that it was the most brilliant misinterpretation of scripture ever and he went on to explain...

The inference or error that is often made is that God deprived humanity of knowledge, but if we go back to Genesis He actually tells them not to eat from the tree of good and evil. That is a whole different story in a sense and by setting up this situation God also gave humanity a choice. He gave us free will.

Certainly this is the fall, but as I was reminded even at the Crossroad conference by James White, although we stumble, we ultimately stomp the serpent on the head, because of what Christ has done on our behalf. It's strange I have never thought of that going up the snake path, but I doubt that symbolism will leave me anytime soon.

There were so deep assertions and point being made. Although I tried to latch onto many, this relatively simple truth stuck with me. But then I guess Veritas was a success from my point of view because it exposed me to even a fragment of truth. I would say that's an evening well spent.

All the Glory to Him.

The Wonderlands

Song List

Terminal
Resurrect Me
Vice Verses
Just Rob Me
Sorrow
Southbound Train
Caroline
Patron Saint of Rock and Roll
Dare You To Move
Your Love is Strong
Royals
Only Hope
You Don't Know How Beautiful You Are
Lean on Me

Discovered Thoughts from a Year Ago

• I really appreciate Micah being w/ me when I first heard the news. It was such a shock though I had a sneaking suspicion. I didn't need someone to talk to me. Just the fact that he was there in my grief was enough.
• Syd and Amy really showed me compassion through their words and their hugs. David and Sam did not have to say anything for me to merely appreciate them. Having Micah pray over me was a major comfort b/c he acknowledged the main thing that was nagging at me.
• During the evening I realized that I was more concerned to clinging to the Lord and acknowledging who He is, I guess that is good.
• Although Joe did not know much I think Syd texted everyone. Just to have tim to talk to and listen was nice.
• Jess also comforted me and spoke truth into my life in light of scripture as well as showing me physical touch.
• Meghan did not have to say much but just to have her physical touch was comforting.
• I appreciated the hugs from Carina + Bella
• My mind was easily distracted the first days.
• At times I felt numb to the pain though since I didn't want to accept it
• A lot of people like Jess, Syd, Carina, David, Sam, Micah, and Meghan have checked in on me
• It was comforting to talk w/ J-nar, Shun, and Adam but I would still like to hear from more.
• I hope I can minister to people through this situation
• In one sense I don't want to feel guilty for grieving but at some point I need to move on.
• I wish that people keep checking in w/ me b/c I think I will feel this way the rest of the trip.
• I am thankful that the Lord has cleared my mind talking to students. Team times and drives are still hard

Thoughts on Soren Kierkegaard

I have always found Soren Kierkegaard to be a curious figure. He is an enigma in a sense, so different than me and yet he shares some of my core beliefs. Perhaps most interesting of all he is a Christian existentialist which in my limited knowledge seems like a paradox. However, that's what always drew me to him, because he seemed like such a complex figure, acknowledging many of the feelings and questions difficult for humanity. He talked about anxiety,  faith, fear and trembling. But he also drew conclusions on these issues thanks to his own faith that helped shine some light on my own life.

In order to get a clearer picture of his ideas, instead of just reading snippets and quotations, I picked up The Essential Kierkegaard. I did not read all the sections, but I did read several pieces including Fear and Trembling which is usually cited as one of his more prominent works as far as I know.

Now Kierkegaard is obviously a very intelligent man who seems to have knowledge in all sorts of areas. That being said, I'm usually only able to comprehend about a third of what he says, and I have a feeling that it does not have to due with the quality of the translation.

His thoughts are just that deep and sometimes hard to me to grasp as they weave back and forth, reiterating points and building up his analysis. It can be pretty dense stuff and so at times it got me wondering why I was even trying to pick anything out of these pages. Rather ironically, it seemed hopeless trying to learn something from a Christian existentialist. It felt too far above me. Dare I say pointless. 

However, Kierkegaard did have some things that really stuck with me. I cannot hope to convey the ideas like he did, but I will try my best to give you the dumbed down version of what he led me to think about.

In talking about faith, Kierkegaard seems to acknowledge that people used to spend a whole lifetime striving and working towards faith. However, he points out that even in his age people are unwilling to stop at faith, because they want to go further. They want to know more, since faith by itself is seen as lowly, uncouth, and uneducated to name a few descriptions. That's what makes it interesting that such a well-thought out figure like Kierkegaard seems to suggest the importance of faith. He cites the example of Abraham as a true picture of a man who had complete faith in God, when in many ways it would not make sense to. He was told to kill his son for goodness sake, and yet ultimately this simple element of faith served him well and the Lord blessed him (Fear and Trembling).

Here's an excerpt from one of his journal entries:

"What I really need is to get clear about what I am to do, not what I must know, except insofar as knowledge must precede every act. What matters is to find my purpose, to see what it really is that God wills that I shall do; the crucial thing is to find a truth that is truth for me, to find the idea for which I am willing to live and die. Of what use would it be to me to discover a so-called objective truth, to work through the philosophical systems so that i could, if asked, make critical judgments about them, could point out the fallacies in each system; of what use would it be to me to be able to develop a theory of the state, getting details from various sources and combining them into a whole, and constructing a world I did not live in but merely held up for other to see; of what use would it be to me to be able to formulate the meaning of Christianity, to be able to explain many specific points--if it had no deeper meaning for me and for my life... I certainly do not deny that I still accept the imperative of knowledge and that through it men may be influenced, but then it must come alive in me, and this is what I now recognize as the most important of all" ~ Journal Entry August 1, 1835.

I really appreciate these words from Kierkegaard, because a lot of what he is saying about truth and even philosophy or knowledge really resonates with me on a very personal level. I am no where near his intellect, but I do still believe knowledge is a good thing. As a Christian it is important to be able to articulate and back up your faith. However, sometimes I get tired of talking philosophy or even theology, because at the end of the day is it really doing anything? Whether it's between Christians or a Christian and a non-Christian, does it accomplish anything? Maybe, but a lot of the times it's the conversations on a more personal, human level that matter and have practical impact on our lives. I really appreciate those types of conversations and those types of interactions.

As someone who has also spent a lot of time on UCSD's campus I see a lot of people who understandably want absolute truth or all the empirical evidence and what have you for Christianity and the Gospel. Those certainly are not bad things for Christians and non-Christians alike to look into, but I think Kiergekaard also seems to suggest that this cannot be our only outlet. As I have said before it's a lot different to know something and then to actually experience it in our lives. Thus, there cannot just be a pure and simple search for the truth behind the Bible. It seems that their must also be a faith aspect and something inside of us that makes us want to "come alive", because we can only get so far on the rational truth. At some point, no matter how much evidence we accrue, we must simply believe.

We also are meant to be imitators of Christ not just observers or admirers like someone looking a painting from a distance away. In a sense we are called to walk in the path He has created already -- walking in his footsteps and reflecting qualities that make us more and more like Christ. Kierkegaard seems to suggest that is the problem with his contemporary teaching and sermons. These were nice observations to be made about Christ and the Bible, but at the end of the day, there was no impact on Christian believers. Sometimes I can see how that can still be a problem to this day (Practice in Christianity). 

Here are the pieces I attempted to Read: Fear and Trembling, Christian Discourse, Practice in Christianity, Concept of Anxiety, and some of his journal entries. 

Some other reading: Kierkegaard and More Kierkegaard

I would encourage you to at least look into the works of Kierkegaard, because if I can attempt to get something out of his work, I'm sure others could too.

All the glory be His. 

I'm Very Lucky

I was reminded this evening that I am a very lucky person. So often I get weighed down by worries and concerns that sometimes plague my heart as well as my mind. Right now has been a period of life that is little different. However, there still has been a lot of excitement and expectancy for what the future holds.

Putting that aside for a second, it was very nice to sit around the table with a great group of people for a special dinner and take a moment to think about how much the Lord has blessed me these last few years. It's a marvelous thing to look around a table and think, "wow, I really care about these people. I'm really blessed and very thankful that the Lord has put them in my life." 

In fact, they are quite the group from all different backgrounds and I have known them for varying amounts of times, but the Lord has blessed me through them in different ways. I pray that I never take them for granted and lose sight of how much they mean. I hope I can continue to show them how much they mean. That's big.

My other hope is that all of us might continue building and lifting each other up as we pursue our relationships with the Lord, because fellowship is a big deal and vital to a healthy spiritual life. 

I am very lucky indeed. All the glory to Him.

Indelible Grace Music

Here are some songs courtesy of Indelible Grace Music. I would definitely encourage everyone to check out their music. 

Church: God Meets Us Wherever

Today I got to return to my home church at Redeemer and it felt strangely as if it had been a very long time. You might have called it a typical Sunday service, but then again I guess no service is truly typical. Needless to say I was struck with the realization that I have been at the same church for well nigh 10 years -- maybe even a little more. We have seen many great people, who I can confidently call my brothers and sisters, cycle in an out of the church, most often than not because God has called them into a new season of life in new places with new jobs.

Over the last 10 years God has also seemingly gone after me too with His love. I am far from the kid I was back then, growing in many ways along this road, and yet I still have had my trials and tribulations. Still do. Not only me but as a church family we have had troubles. It seems rather mundane to think about these things now, because time has either slowly erased them from my memory or lessened the hurt. Even people, members of our community, have slowly faded away. Many I am thankful I remember, but still others were easily forgotten. But our Lord has not forgotten them and He has not forgotten me even though I am not always a Redeemer regular now. He will meet me wherever I come to worship Him and there is something comforting in that which we often seem to forget.

For right now I was thankful to be back at Redeemer taking part in the liturgy, hymns, and the like. One lyric that particularly resonated today was from the hymn "Before the Throne of God"

"Behold Him there the risen Lamb,

My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God"

All the glory be His

Weakness

I have come to the conclusion many times this school year that humans have a lot of weakness. I am reminded of it constantly. We so often are physically weak. Our bodies give out on us over time and even before then our backs ache and our bones are sore. Humans are weak. We can be very easily dissuaded from our convictions. We can become discouraged, confused and completely befuddled. We can succumb to laziness, avarice, corruption and egotism. No wonder the road leading to heaven is narrow, because when I look at myself and what's going on around me there are a lot of broken people who give into pettiness and dissension as much as their bodies give into worldly stresses. It's a part of this life we lead.

We are seemingly far from being magnificent creatures. And yet that is just the point, because otherwise I would be a complete cynic, existentialist or fatalist. Instead I am a Christ follower. Because of Christ the rules have been changed on our behalf. The rules that say this life is wholly corrupted and meaningless. But that is a lie that Christ came to allay with his conquering of death.

As C.S. Lewis wrote in the Great Divorce we are "half-hearted creatures" right now. Just wait until the day when we will see humans in their true form --with fully glorified bodies. We might be tempted to bow down and worship one another because it will be such an extraordinary sight for our eyes. So it's true that humanity can be hopeless at times and we can look wretched indeed.

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! - Romans 7

That's the good news that I will constantly go back to.

"God creates out of nothing. Wonderful you say. yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more wonderful: he makes saints out of sinners." - Soren Kierkegaard

All the glory be his.

Thoughts on Jon Foreman and Creating Culture

I haven't kept hidden my admiration for Jon Foreman front man of Switchfoot, a half of Fiction Family and soon to be coming out with a long awaited solo project. Foreman is not just another musician, a rocker or singer/songwriter. He's a surfer certainly and yet he has the poetic lyricism of a modern bard. He often rocks out like Led Zeppelin and can write verse like Dylan at times, and that is an interesting combo. 

When I was younger his heavier stuff with big riffs and catchy tunes is what brought Switchfoot to the forefront of my mind. Now as I have matured, I would like to think my musical tastes have evolved as well. Now there is an even greater admiration for the words that this man puts down on the page. That's the beauty of a Foreman song, because sometimes I don't care for a tune (which isn't often), but when I do more often than not the lyrics still resonate with me. 

On the surface he might look like just another Beach Boy, but pretty soon after you here him throwing out references to Kiergegaard, John M. Perkins as well as Scripture, it easy to tell that this man is no joke. He is a deep thinker, who asks real questions, using the music that he has created to expose others to the world as he sees it. 

That's why I have even greater respect for Foreman when I read this passage he wrote awhile back. In fact, it should be noted that he often has very insightful contributions to Huffington Post when he's not touring or making music. He was once given the question of whether or not Switchfoot was a "Christian" band and here is his thoughtfully eloquent answer:

"Does Lewis or Tolkien mention Christ in any of their fictional series? Are Bach’s sonata’s Christian? What is more Christ-like, feeding the poor, making furniture, cleaning bathrooms, or painting a sunset? There is a schism between the sacred and the secular in all of our modern minds. The view that a pastor is more ‘Christian’ than a girls volleyball coach is flawed and heretical. The stance that a worship leader is more spiritual than a janitor is condescending and flawed. These different callings and purposes further demonstrate God’s sovereignty. Many songs are worthy of being written.

Switchfoot will write some, Keith Green, Bach, and perhaps yourself have written others. Some of these songs are about redemption, others about the sunrise, others about nothing in particular: written for the simple joy of music. None of these songs has been born again, and to that end there is no such thing as Christian music. 

No. Christ didn’t come and die for my songs, he came for me. Yes. My songs are a part of my life. But judging from scripture I can only conclude that our God is much more interested in how I treat the poor and the broken and the hungry than the personal pronouns I use when I sing. I am a believer. Many of these songs talk about this belief. An obligation to say this or do that does not sound like the glorious freedom that Christ died to afford me. I do have an obligation, however, a debt that cannot be settled by my lyrical decisions. My life will be judged by my obedience, not my ability to confine my lyrics to this box or that. 

We all have a different calling; Switchfoot is trying to be obedient to who we are called to be. We’re not trying to be Audio A or U2 or POD or Bach: we’re trying to be Switchfoot. You see, a song that has the words: ‘Jesus Christ’ is no more or less ‘Christian’ than an instrumental piece. (I’ve heard lots of people say Jesus Christ and they weren’t talking about their redeemer.) You see, Jesus didn’t die for any of my tunes. So there is no hierarchy of life or songs or occupation only obedience. We have a call to take up our cross and follow. We can be sure that these roads will be different for all of us. Just as you have one body and every part has a different function, so in Christ we who are many form one body and each of us belongs to all the others. Please be slow to judge ‘brothers’ who have a different calling.”

For me Foreman makes me want to think more deeply about how Christians can influence and ultimately create culture that will break into all confines of the secular world to spread a little more light. This might be in music, film, photography, whatever. Foreman's the kind of individual who can look at a song like Sorrow by Bad Religion, which is hardly a Christian band, and find beauty in their work all the same. 

 Would it not be amazing if Christians were once again helping dictate the culture for good and living out life as Christ called us? As it says in Matthew chapter 25, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine you did for me." How Christian something is should not be our main concern, but instead how we are going out on a daily basis to love our neighbors well. One way we can do that is by developing culture that asks the kind of questions that all humanity is aching to have an answer to. It doesn't need to be a dichotomy between Christian and secular. They can intersect and that's the kind of world we want. Jesus broke through all social constructions and made the issue the hearts of every person he ever cam in contact with. 

That's something to really think about. I certainly don't have many answers and I have a lot of questions just like Jon Foreman, but I think that's a starting point and hopefully we can move forward from there. All the glory be His.