Winter Con: Part II

There was a lot more to be learned at Winter Con and here are just a few of the thoughts and observations that I had from the last few days full of worship, outreach, talks, seminars, fellowship and time with the Lord.

One thing that really struck me after one talk was the idea that it really matters what we put into our minds. It matters what we spend our time looking at, reading, saying and doing in general. We are a product of our thought-life whether it's spending a lot of time in scripture or surfing the internet. I have experienced both as I would guess many others have too and immersion in either certainly has an effect.

This was truly convicting and made me want to take a moment to think about how I spend my days. But beyond time management, when I'm looking or reading or whatever I'm doing, is there a purpose behind it? Or it is meaningless?

I would like to think there is a purpose, but thinking back I'm not so sure and I'm sure there are others who might be able to relate. With all the modern conveniences and technology we have, ironically we seem to waste more time than we ever did before. It's a sad reality and its only bound to get worse and more intrusive.

Two practical ideas that were brought up were a media fast to take the focus off all of our worldly "devices" (literally and figuratively) to put our focus instead wholly on God. Another suggestion was scripture memorization, which I have always been bad at partially because I have never worked at it. The idea of having God's Word literally floating through my mind, ready to convict me and remind me and comfort me was another captivating thought. Such a simple rhythm and yet I am extremely curious to see the changes that might come out of it. Not only in mind but in heart too.

Another idea that relates to this discussion is eternal perspective. I've read verses about not being conformed to this world, keeping my mind on the things above  and storing up treasures in Heaven instead of earth. But had I ever been forced to think long and hard about such things? The honest answer is no.

The truth is the things I am doing now should seem pointless and meaningless if they are not done for the sake of Christ's glory. True, I already have assurance of faith, but that should not be the end of it. As people have said many times before salvation is not by works certainly, but as is said clearly in James, works come out of our faith in our Lord. They show that we earnestly desire to bring Him glory because he has radically changed our lives by flipping everything up side down from the worst to the best possible circumstances.

So with that assurance in mind I want to push forward to store up that treasure in heaven so that I can go before the Lord as my life is reviewed and hear "well done good and faithful servant." It's not a pride thing and if I am driven by it I desperately hope it never will be. Any amount of treasure or crowns attributed to an individual doesn't matter because ultimately we will be laying it before the Lord's feet because he is worthy of it. That'a awesome! And just imagine all the joy we will get by reliving all the victories of our brothers and sisters in the name of Christ! They will be the greatest of biopics. The greatest of highlight reels.

Thus, I want this infinitesimal amount of time on earth to matter because it has monumental significance in light of eternity. God has blessed me in certain ways and I want to use it all the more now because I see it in the context of what is to come. I want to have something to lay before my king when that day comes.

It goes without saying that I also enjoyed my time with staff and students from UCSD and SDSU as well as old friends and acquaintances. I am extremely exhausted but it's a good kind of tired. I hope I feel this way when I get to Heaven, it will mean I gave my all for the glory of my Heavenly Father.

All the GLORY be HIS.

Winter Con

So these last few days I've been at Winter Con and it's been pretty great as expected. That's despite being sick! There have been talks on Revelation, seminars to cultivate hearts for the lost and personal growth. And my favorite part, students from other campuses showing that our God is truly at work and alive in the hearts of so many students who want His Beautiful Name to be known all over the world.

Here are some thoughts:

-This is my first winter con, because the last two I was actually in Japan visiting my sister. It is almost surreal that she is here now and I get to see her here!

-I opted out of a game night to talk for an hour or two with a good friend and it was a blessing. There is such excitement in the air as I know a handful of people looking to do global missions. 

-There has also been an opportunity to reconnect with previous acquaintances and meet more students. At first I was a little bummed that more people from our Puerto Rico team were not here, but it allowed me to spend time with SDSU friends and people from other schools. 

-My favorite event so far was a dinner casting vision for missions in Japan. I realized that Puerto Rico was amazing but it could never take away the desire to reach Japan. I think I assumed that my heart for Japan would just dissipate or not be as heavy because I did another missions in its place. However, after hearing more and meeting other students who want to reach Tokyo, I realize there is a feeling that I want to go back there. 

Maybe it's partially that they feel like my people but also I have seen firsthand how broken they are and I want them to know on some level that they no longer need to be alone. 

Switching gears it's weird now three years later meeting students at campuses I never considered and especially on those I visualized going to way back when. There is a hint of wistfulness in a sense, but there is only a brief instant of that feeling. Immediately I can say with confidence that God put me in the right place and has blessed me in many ways beyond anything I would have expected. 

These are perhaps not any life changing revelations or epiphanies but that's not necessary. I feel like I'm still learning, wrestling and getting revived by being around a community of believers. I cannot wait for more the next couple days and  I hope that I can experience the Lord on a still deeper level. 

All the Glory Be His.

Finals Week and Christmas

Finals and Christmas. In many ways they seem like mutually exclusive things. They cannot possibly overlap or coincide. Finals drain us of all our energy and cheer, make us anxious and are continually monotonous. Christmas is the farthest thing away from all of those. It is characterized by joy, peace, goodwill and good news (as I have probably made clear in other posts)!

I got in a short conversation yesterday about how easy it is to forget about Christmas in light of this finals week because oftentimes the stress and work we put in can suck all our joy dry. It is so easy to lose sight of this season, because after all it is a season of Advent. Not just a day or two days on the 25th and 24th.

This is a short post (for once), but I simply pray that Christmas and Finals might coincide and collide. That they might both exist together and we might continue to have joy. Happiness is fleeting and is often replaced with anguish or anxiety. Joy can remain even during times of duress. Please pray for all my friends and for me that we might experience this Christmas season as it is meant to be experienced. That the Christmas season might not pass as by as we get distracted by necessary things, but also that we might remain diligent in our studies to pursue excellence for God's glory!

Thanks.

That's What Christmas is All About

I am too excited about Christmas to just write one post! After all there is a lot to be excited about. Mind you I write this as I start preparing for finals next week and I am still excited.

Since spending the last two Winter Breaks in Japan, I could care less about getting and even looking for present to give. What got me excited from the very beginning was the Christmas music, traditions and the like. One of the things that is included under that umbrella is Christmas specials. Although they have over time become gimmicky and perhaps not as good as they used to be, there are several I still enjoy

Rudolf is great, Here Comes Santa Claus is up there and of course the Grinch. They all get at some theme or essence of what Christmas is about. However, I will always have a special place for Charlie Brown's Christmas.

It's rather surprising because this 25 minute special wanders dismally and drearily at times beginning with the ironically mournful title track (Christmastime is Here). But out of this confusion and muddled mess that Charlie Brown finds himself wandering is perhaps one of the most clear depictions of this season. Like many people Charlie Brown realizes there is something special about this year. He just cannot quite pinpoint it. Linus acts as confidante when all the other children like Lucy and even his own dog Snoopy have bought into the superficiality. The materialism has taken precedent. A good thing has been slightly perverted and turned bad.

You would think the story would pick up at some point and it doesn't for a long time. Charlie Brown is the killjoy and butt of all the jokes. He receives all the ire from the other kids, because he has not bought in. They laugh at him. How can this story be redeemed; it's too far gone. Too depressing because these individuals seem poisoned by all the wrong reasons for Christmas.

It is Linus who pipes up and somehow drops a bombshell. A little unassuming gem from scripture:

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were so afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find a babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will towards men." ~ Luke 2:8-14

In an instant the dreariness dissipates and new life is breathed into something that seems ruined and wrong. The shift is nearly instant and the whole tone of not only Charlie Brown, but of his friends, dog and this entire special lightens because of this Good News! It's for me as much as it is for the next person.

That's why it makes me sad when I hear about tragic death, injustice, the toppling of role models and individuals quarreling over the internet. Christians and non-Christians alike. We've all fallen short of the glory. That is the reality and it will continue to be. We all desperately need this message. Even if it is not a new one I desperately hope that each one of us can hear it with fresh ears every time whether it's a monologue by Linus or in a Christmas Carol or maybe during a Christmas Eve service.

This should fill each and everyone of us with immensely great joy! Get excited for what is coming. My prayer is that not just during this season but at all times we might have peace on earth and good will towards all men (even those who are difficult to love and even when we are difficult to love). The good news is that we have a God who has made all things news. Glory to God in the Highest.

Enjoy these upcoming weeks as we should but I hope that we all remain mindful of what is at the heart of Christmas. Surround yourself with at least one or two Linus-figures who will constantly point you back to what Christmas is all about.

All the Glory to Him and Merry Christmas again. Happiness and Cheer to all! Cue the music.

Context in This Advent Season

Recently I have been joking a bit about the strengths that matched me after I took a Strength Finders test at Crossroads. However, over the last couple weeks I have seen how context is an important part of my personal outlook.

According to the test:

Perspective and background are important for people with strong Context talents. They value the retrospective viewpoint because they believe that is where the answers lie. They look back to understand the present. From the past, they can discern blueprints for direction.

This partial definition resonates with me because I have always been fascinated by not only history but pop culture and historical events. I want to know and understand how they are all framed and how names, dates and people relate to each other.

Taking an example from the Bible, it makes sense that I have long been fascinated by Hebrews 11 and 12. In these two chapters we are first given a long lineage of Biblical heroes who were faithful to God. All of them sinned and fell at one point or another but ultimately they followed what God would have for them. It gets even better in chapter 12!

"We are surrounded by so great cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." - Hebrews 12; 1-2

Over summer this bit of scripture really struck me, but I just want to reiterate the same fact. As Christians we have such a rich lineage and we are following in the footsteps of some amazing figures. It is truly humbling and yet at the same time we can have a certain confidence, because we all fall short of the glory of God. We all must look to Jesus and what we He has done for us. We must all move forward by Faith.

This context will hopefully cause us to live our lives differently or at least constantly force us to realign ourselves. I know I personally need to remind myself of where I am at and where my focus needs to be, because I so often get distracted from where I fit into this long family line.

A wonderful thing about this time of year is that we have just entered a season of what is called Advent or the coming of Jesus. During the advent season we are waiting for something that has already come. Jesus came to earth as a baby and ultimately saved an entire world due to his sacrifice to remedy our own brokenness. That's why we sing Christmas carols like "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" or "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus."   In a sense we look back at that moment in time to look forward to what is and what is still to come. Because God is with us.

Hopefully during this Advent season we can have the proper context and it will allow us to enter this season with Joy because we know even a degree of the magnitude that this event in history has for our lives. Enjoy your time with friends and family, spending time together and singing Christmas carols. I know I am excited!

All the Glory to Him. Peace on earth and goodwill to men.

Meanwhile

This weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to go to my first Crossroads which is a retreat for upperclassmen so that they can gain insight and wisdom into how to approach their future while also making sure Christ is at the center of those plans.

I'm still trying to process this weekend because so much happened: so much was talked about, so much was seen and there was a lot to ruminate on. It is crazy to think I almost did not come but a last minute decision turned out to be a great one.

Over the course of the weekend James White spoke on Genesis highlighting the initial fall of Adam and Even along with the trials of Joseph. Here are a few key point that stuck out. First of all, each of us has a story which we already know the ending to, because Jesus has already sealed our future if we only accept Him into our lives. It is then a decision whether we allow God to write our story as He would have it or we try and take control ourselves.

Surrender is key because we have a God who certainly does not need us at all, but out of His love he want the best for us. He is not a God of restriction but a God of freedom who did not give up on us even when we so quickly fell away from Him. The whole narrative of the Bible starting with Genesis is a redemptive tale characterized by a stumble and stomp mentality. The pages of this book are filled with sinful, broken individuals who stumble but ultimately they have a moment when they crush the adversary. The ultimate example is Christ on the cross after who bore all the wrath in order that it could be stomped out for good.

Sometimes the dreams that we have for our lives are deferred and their can often be a sense of tension or confusion in those moments. But as He proved with Joseph, God is the God of the MEANWHILE. He is working even we don't think He is or cares. He has a plan even when we can not possibly see where it is going. We can find hope in the MEANWHILE because more often than not it can lead to an unexpected ending far greater than we could have ever imagined. I see this in the life of Joseph and I see it even in my own life.

Honestly, I came to Crossroads because I wanted to see Puerto Rico friends and I got to do that which was great. However, this conference had so much to offer through seminars, coaching and activities meant to guide me as I continue to think about my future. I got excited to be able to dig in with friends and acquaintances as we continually try and figure out how to better live our lives more and more surrendered to Christ. There are different options on the table and many exciting opportunities for a lot of students and I am grateful for what the Lord is doing.

I was also immensely thankful to not just learn more about my strengths and opportunities, but also to simply talk with my peers. This weekend was a wonderful time to refresh each other and share truthfully where we are at. We shared our thoughts, our fears and many laughs. I left the conference genuinely thankful for this opportunity to connect with other students and staff who I consider to be my brothers and sisters (They know who they are). I am exceedingly grateful for them and also that our God is the God of the MEANWHILE. He is working even when we can't see it. He will guide our story if we only let Him.

All the glory be His. Happy Thanksgiving!

Burnout

In one of my classes today we talked briefly about the concept of burnout which can manifest itself in multiple ways. There is your everyday exhaustion, then depersonalization and finally reduced personal accomplishment.

I know I have mentioned previously that I have felt exhausted, but this last week or two I have  been relatively rested physically (Sickness and sleep aside). However, if I am allowed to say so I do feel burned out. There are other types of jadedness beyond the physical. Furthermore, my mood has not been the best. I do not often show it overtly, but recently I have felt like I could be more understanding and compassionate towards others. Finally, in some ways there has been low personal motivation to push on in certain areas.

So in other words health wise and with school I feel alright, but my spiritual walk is affected by a kind of burnout that I want to remedy. I want to love others well and I want to do it with a joyful heart. I'm still trying to wrestle with what that looks like. Maybe this is just a season that I am going through. Maybe my role will become more clear presently. As of right now I'm not quite sure what to think.

I will continue to hopefully to get to know others on an intentional level. I will continue serving as best as I know how. I will continue striving to learn more and hone my skills. But it all means little if Christ is not at the center of my existence.

Recently I had a sort of revelation when I recalled this well-known verse from Romans 8:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~ Romans 8 38-39

When Paul makes this assertion he mentions some "bad things" like death or demons, but his statement is meant to be infinitely vast in size and scope since he is describing the most extravagant love in the entire universe. It seems like it can be implied then that not only bad things, but also so-called "good things" can get in the way of our walk with Him; maybe even "Christian things."

 I often call this irony "The Mary and Martha Conundrum," because I see it often in my own life. Like Martha I put the priority on service and what needs to get done practically which is not altogether bad. But as a result I can get annoyed and have a bad attitude and I end up missing the point entirely. Mary had the right idea since Christ was right in front of her she sat at His feet. That's the right response but it's not always the easiest for me.

The rest of this quarter I want to struggle and fight the best I can to let nothing get in the way of my encountering the Lord. I want to sit at His feet. This passage seems to suggest that nothing can get in the way, but it does not mean nothing will.

Let us pray that the Lord's love is always in us and we never know a day when we are truly separated from His love. I will end with this quote from Soren Kierkegaard that was powerful to me as far as the way I wish to lead my life. All the Glory be His.

"What the age needs is not a genius--it has had geniuses enough, but a martyr, who in order to teach men to obey would himself be obedient unto death. What the age needs is awakening. And therefore someday, not only my writings but my whole life, all the intriguing mystery of the machine will be studied and studied. I never forget how God helps me and it is therefore my last wish that everything may be to His honour." - The Journals of Soren Kierkegaard

Fall Retreat and Beyond: Basking in The Lord's Presence

My third Cru Fall Retreat is officially over and it ended up being a restful and powerful time to get away in the mountains with other college students from both UCSD and SDSU.

I came into the weekend jaded physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm not quite sure what that means exactly, but it was safe to say I was tired. Balancing studying, meetings, extra-curriculars, errands at home along with Cru duties has felt a little crazy. It is for most students. After some more tiring hours preparing for retreat I was thankful for the time I got to let the Lord's presence simply wash over me. The words preached this weekend were soothing to my ears. It made me desire to be "ambushed" by God's love. Because as I ultimately learned in Puerto Rico it is one thing to know intellectual Truth about the Lord and quite another to experience it in my own life. 

In this frantic time I was also thankful for the time and space to simply bask in the Lord's presence whether it was on a tree stump, in an amphitheater or sitting in a quaint coffee shop. It was a joy to have this respite and to really desire to delve into the Word.

I took particular interest in the book of James and there was one verse the first morning that seemingly set the tone for the rest of my weekend. It said, "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." Simple enough, and yet it was so fitting to the place that I was at.

It was also an immense pleasure to just enjoy the company of good friends and new acquaintances. It was something that was certainly needed and it was wonderful to see all the new faces and get to spend time with them praising the Lord or just enjoying sports together.

Another reason I was at a weird place has to do a feeling of nostalgia paired with my weariness. To put it succinctly I feel sort of old. This was my third fall retreat and I have been a leader in Cru for almost as long. It is not always an easy role and I never feel quite capable enough on my own power.  The beauty of it all is that I don't have to carry all the burden alone. I have a Father in Heaven who delights over me. "He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in me." And he is doing great things. I was reminded of that when I was able to talk with two friends who have now graduated that I first met two years ago at Fall Retreat. They are at exciting places in their lives. Back when I met them, I was one of three freshmen and now we saw so many people come out. I'm not a fan of the numbers game, but I am a fan of meeting younger believers and growing alongside them as we all pursue a relationship with the Lord.

As per usual, I have rambled so much and yet there always seem to be more to say. Now the often messy craziness of reality has kicked in again and there is a lot to be navigated and parsed through relating to school and inter-personally. Please pray that the Lord gives me wisdom, discipline and the necessary tact to bring glory to Him as I attempt to love others well. 

All the Glory be His.

Owning vs. Renting: Getting Ready for Week 0

So there are exciting things ahead for the upcoming school year at UCSD. Amdist helping friends move in, looking into jobs/internships and writing for the school paper, ministry with Cru is also vamping up again in preparation for the new school year.

This past weekend on both Friday and Saturday we spent most of the day aligning our hearts, minds and agendas with each other and most importantly the Lord. As a ministry it is imperative that we come out of the gates sprinting because the first our of the first day of the first week is when Freshmen are most receptive to an invitation to get involved. We want to be there for them and invite them in so that they find a community to belong. It is also important and necessary since the college years are often foundational to the rest of your life. We want to have young people who are striving to follow Christ and know him better for the rest of their lives.  To be movers, shakers and culture changers in the name of Christ.

With that being said, I came into this past weekend fully acknowledging that I lacked the kind of vibrant enthusiasm and spiritual fire that seems necessary for such an undertaking. We are looking to talk with 2,000 freshmen in a day and hundreds more in a weeks time. I still remember the jadedness and the exhaustion that set in last year and it was wonderful then, but I lacked that same excitement. My prayer was that I could realign myself with Christ and his will instead of my own agenda.

One of the ideas that was hammered home this weekend was the idea of OWNING vs. RENTING. This metaphor might seem self explanatory but allow we to explain briefly. This next week we do not want to take part in kingdom work as if we are renters. Yes, we are not of this world so to speak, but the idea is that renters are not invested. In many ways they are selfish and only care for their own personal comfort. Ownership this week will look something like putting in work because we are part of God's kingdom and we desperately want others to be a part. Ownership of this week will look like flyering and talking to students even if it pushes us out of our comfort zones. Ownership this week will look like continuing to work for a few more hours even we are sweaty and tired. It is an honor to be a part of that if it is for the sake of the kingdom.

I look forward to the potential of this next week. There are new strategies and fresh laborers ready to go out and love others well. I am excited and nervous to see what the Lord has ahead for me.Above all I am excited to see what the Lord will do .

It was also a wonderful weekend to grow closer to my brothers and sister in Christ. A mini Puerto Rico Reunion was a lot of fun too. Until the gun goes off...

All the Glory be His.

"When he saw the crowds he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The Harvest is plentiful; but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest." ~ Matthew 9:36-38

Lesson Learned on the Road to Iowa

We returned this afternoon from our pilgrimage to Iowa to be with family. While we were there I learned a great deal from a culture that is in many ways very different than our California lifestyle.

The small town element still exists to some extent in Iowa; people know each other and they have often known each other for years. They have rhythms of life and an interconnected web of relationships that remains constant. This type of lifestyle fosters a great deal of loyalty and relationships that truly last, marriages and friendships that are rock solid through thick and thin. Without getting into too many specifics I got to see some of this first hand and I really wanted more of that for my life and the lives of people around me back home.

I am not saying that this type of lifestyle is non-existent. It just seems like at times our fast paced lifestyle is all about moving forward with our lives. Friends and relationships drift in and out of our spheres whether it be in our childhood neighborhoods, our schools, or later on our vocational spaces.

That small world feel is nearly gone but the reality is Southern California cannot be the same type of community Iowa can, because they are simply different populations and different types of cultures altogether. I would like to see more of a small world type culture that shapes communities and truly impacts individuals and their families for good. It certainly is something to think about and challenge myself with as I get ready for another year at UCSD.

As we traveled I was also able to see a lot of middle America, going to and fro from Iowa. Some of the places we went past were very different from home. They might be characterized as one horse towns or rural areas. That being said, it made me realize that the Lord has blessed me with a great many things that I should not take for granted just like he has blessed people all across the country in different ways. Instead of focusing on the negative, the glass half full mentality is the way to go.

I will pray that I can live with a small-world mentality and a genuine thankfulness for what I have been given.

All the glory be His as always.

Summer Reading: Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper

I just recently finished Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper

There was a lot to mull over and think through afterwards but there were several main ideas that stuck out to me. First off, I must say that in some ways I struggled to get through this book. It was both convicting and reaffirming at different times and I turned the last page thankful that I took the time to read it.

Early on Piper recalls a small pithy poem that used to hang in his childhood home. It reads like this:

Only One Life,
Twill Soon Be Past
Only What's Done
For Christ Will Last

These words are much of the framework for the entire contents of his book. He makes the point that our entire life on earth should be to magnify the Lord and glorify him. This really caused me to question my own existence. Am I constantly striving to make my Lord known by thought, word and deed? Am I simply doing good works for my glory or thanking Him for what He does for me and not simply for who He is? It's tough stuff to be confronted with but it certainly seems necessary to consider.

Furthermore, Piper suggests that we can glorify the Lord wherever we are placed. For him it was the call to be a pastor, for others it might be missions, or someone else might be going into the workforce. All these vocations are good and well. But it is what we do with those lives that truly matters. God has blessed each and everyone of us with a vast web of relationships that we are called to grow, foster and glorify Him through.

For good measure he acknowledges that missionary work is important pointing to previous movements in the past centuries and also pointing out the need for laborers in the 10-40 window. However, just as importantly Piper points out we must also take care of those living around us because we do not want to fall into hypocrisy.

If I took anything out of this book, honestly, it was the simple urging of the title. Recently I have thought about certain people who are older than me or people that the Lord has taken to be with Him. I look at their lives and see great fruit. I see many lives impacted for better through love and joy.

I cannot be sure what will befall me or how my life will turn out but my prayer is that it might not be a wasted existence. I want the resolve to continue to live my life for Christ because He is worthy of it.

All the Glory Be His

Summer Reading: Introverts in the Church by Adam S. McHugh

So I read this book after getting home from Puerto Rico and now I will attempt to recall what I learned. Here it goes.

This book was really interesting in many respects because some of the issues that are brought up about introverts actually surfaced during project. As an introvert myself I quickly learned that I needed time just to recharge on my own away from other humans. That was often very different than other members of the team. Neither way was wrong, it is simply how God wired us.

Furthermore, introverts are in general reserved and they have a more difficult time opening up or even speaking in large groups. From personal experience I found that the times I enjoyed were when a few people broke off or stayed behind for an afternoon and just talked. Even better was when you got a group of introverts together. You would think the room would be completely quiet but in many ways there is more conversation because the quiet ones are given more time on the floor to speak.

Another thing that comes with this territory is internal processing. This is a big deal for many introverts who love to have time to take in, think, formulate and finally share what they have to say. Group discussions can seem daunting and introverts can often be disinclined to talk until later simply because they want to take it all in.

However, whether it meant to or not, I felt that this book sometimes suggested that introverts should always be comfortable. This is good in certain situations but it is also important for growth that introverts be stretched to do things they normally would not want to.

The beauty of the body of Christ however is that God created so many uniquely different people of varying temperaments and personalities. It's fantastic and we should celebrate that and give thanks for our brothers or sister whether they be introverts or extroverts. All the glory be His.

Collage of Puerto Rico

Here are some stray memories and photos commemorating our time in Puerto Rico:

Besos
Sandy floors
Hammocks
Bug bites for days
Laundry on the fence
Torrential downpours
Rocks and sea urchins
Coquis outside our window
Lost power and no water
The dogs Grey, Bella, and Beanie
Happy Bowls, Sam's Club and K Mart
Arroz, Habichuelas, and Tostones all day everyday
Coconuts, mangoes, starfruit, papaya, and the like
Late night discussions on Calvinism, relationships, etc.
Giant moths, jumping spiders, cockroaches, lizards, geckos, and iguanas
Playa Sucia, Corcega, Boqueron, and Jobos
Humidity and sweat, sweat and humidity
Throwing our waste out the window
Bug spray, Sunscreen, and Cortizone
Slacklines and Spikeball

Soccer at Calvario Track

Colegio de Mayaguez
Everything is Awesome

Salsa and Reggaeton

Buen Provecho
Don Frappe
Mud and waterfalls
William Carey
The Movement
A ukulele
Game Nights
Nicknames
Push ups
A giant van
Romans

An Unexpected Ending aka Not Quite Done Yet

So we got a full day in San Juan before we were supposed to head out the next day, finally on our way home. There was so much to explore in San Juan that we went back for an hour the next day, sandwiched between our team meetings and our departure time. It was seemingly one of our last hurrahs in Puerto Rico. We spent the time exploring a local fortress with one of our friends from Mayaguez named Jeshua.

Soon enough we were headed to the airport. We had received mental closure after debriefing and everything seemed to be winding down. But wait... No, were not quite done yet. Turns out the airline booked 17 seats for a flight on June 21st, not July 21st. We had no spots on a plane, in fact there was no plane, and we were stuck at the airport without a place to stay or a plan.

It was if the Lord was telling us with a sense of humor that our time in Puerto Rico was not done yet. We could not just shut off or relax or subside, because there was still time to be spent in country. With this came a weird sensation of wanting to be home and at the same time not wanting to say goodbye, but all that went on hold.

We were put up in the Hilton and there we had time to spend at the hotel together which allowed us to bond more before we would have to say our emotional goodbyes. However, I can also see how we influenced those around us positively, whether it was taxi drivers we met, security guards, or random travelers that were placed in our lives, often only for a moment.

Did I say that Jeshua hung out with us at the airport for over 3 hours before making the long drive back to Mayaguez just because he wanted to? It was relationships like those that made these 5 weeks in Puerto Rico truly worthwhile and special. I suppose it feels good to know you will be missed, but it is even more humbling to think that the Lord was actually able to use us. We came here to share the Gospel with this island and you cannot do that effectively unless you radically impact the culture. I would like to think that our little team left a proportionally big footprint on this place.

When we finally do get home, at some point, we can find solace in that news. All the glory be His.

Leaving Our New Home

In honesty these last few posts have probably been the most difficult since there is so much to say and at the same time so little time to say it.

When everyone was scurrying around the house making lunch, doing laundry, and the like, I took sometime to take it in. It might sound dumb but I truly am going to miss these mundane moments much like I am going to miss Mayaguez and the students there.

Each of these individuals under this roof have been my family in Puerto Rico and I would like to think that they will continue to be my family as I head back to the States. I am tempted to take a moment to describe what I find so awesome about each one of these people but again it would take too long and I probably could not gather all my thoughts.

That being said, this is a community that welcomed me in, loved me for who I was, and affirmed me for who I am becoming. Not every moment was nice and rosy, far from it, but here was a group that pushed through it with Flexibility and joy.

There's not more that I could ask for and honestly I am going to have withdrawals from these folks. Some will be back at UCSD with me which is awesome but I might just have to travel up to Santa Barbara or SLO at some point (Or maybe they will come down to visit).

Before we shove off for San Juan for a few days I want to relish all the time we have left in Rincon. Taking in the sights, the nature, the conversations, and yes, even the banal moments of this evening. I want to remember it all.

I thank the Lord because he has blessed me so much with these people and with this place. All the glory be His.

Last Day on Campus

I knew this day would come and I knew I would be sad to leave, but nothing can quite explain all the emotions that are bombarding me right now. I am tempted to use the cliche term "bittersweet" but I will try to do better than that by explaining a few of the many feelings swirling around:

There is definitely a sense of thankfulness because we have seen the Lord do so much in us and through us in Puerto Rico. We leave this island with 9 new and recommitted brothers and sisters in Christ! Many more were reached and presented with the Gospel over the last 4 weeks. Now the work is up to the Holy Spirit and that is alright with us.

Furthermore, these numbers are encouraging but what is really life changing is the friendships that we have formed with so many great young people and the great conversations with believers and non-believers alike. We have been able to dialogue with numerous students going to Colegio in Mayaguez and more often than not we were greatly encouraged coming out of each discussion. I'm going to miss not only the campus but also the many students who walked these halls.

During this time of transition I am also determined to keep this momentum going as I head back home and then off to school again. I do not want this experience to be a bygone moment in my life. I want to build on this transformation that was in a sense kickstarted by project. This includes an ever growing heart for the lost and continued personal growth. There were many lessons, trials, and successes that will help me as I head back home. However, with this comes some apprehension because I have to return back to reality of life in the States. Some really tough things went on back home and I will be confronted with them when I return. That's just life.

Perhaps above all I am feeling immensely sad to leave this place in a few days. As I realized, it is a lot better than wanting to get off this rock as soon as possible, because the fact is I came here not knowing what I was getting myself into. I am about to leave 4 weeks later with a heart for these people and a desire to reach my friends and my campus back home. Saying goodbye to my new found friends was not fun. It is hard to accept that I may not see some of them again (at least on this earth), because they have so affected me during my time over here.

Please pray for:

Gabriel: One of the leaders in Cru Caribbean who has a wonderful spirit and a fire for the Gospel
Diego: A student at Mayaguez who ate lunch with our team almost everyday and attended our church The Movement.
Ephraim: A student interested in Cru Caribbean who has a new found interest in growing closer to God and who is currently reading through the Gospel of John.
Jeshua: A student who spent a lot of time with us just this past week and was encouraged to continue to pursue his relationship with Christ as an engineering student.

These are only a few of the names that come to mind. The fact is the Lord blessed us through so many people that no one wants to leave after all we have experienced. The truth is this island and its people have stolen our hearts.

All the glory be His because He has done immeasurably more than we could have ever expected or imagined.

The Story of the Prodigal Son (Puerto Rican Style)

This monday we had yet another outreach involving soccer, Spikeball, root beer floats, and the Gospel. It was another encouraging night that gave me a lot of joy to be apart of of. Everything about it was great and fun but the bottom line is that last point. The Gospel is the key.

The night looked like it might not even happen. It was pouring rain 30 minutes before and yet miraculously, when we got to the field it seemed to be quickly drying out. Soccer was awesome, many new students were introduced to the Cru phenomenon of Spikeball and we got to see many of our friends and acquaintances come out to see us. My time was split between soccer and conversing with students and despite a sore body I cherished every moment after a very tough weekend.

As I alluded to before the night also included a Gospel presentation and a personal testimony. Gabriel, an energetic brother in Christ who is a leader in Cru Caribbean, shared his story in Spanish to his peers. Then our director Joe laid out the mission of Cru and the Gospel, utilizing the parable of the Prodigal Son with an infusion of Puerto Rican reality. The fact is such a wayward son could exist on this island (just like he could exist anywhere in the world). However, no matter how honorable, generous or loving all the fathers in the world are, they can never compare to our Lord. That's the bottom line, because he is an extravagant and jealous God who wishes to bring His children back to himself when they stumble and stray away. Jesus died for our sins on the cross and rose again so that all peoples could be joint heirs with Him. So that every nation, tribe and tongue could be brought back to Him as a member of His family.

Joe explained all these things genuinely with love and truth. My heart is thankful to say that we have a new sister in Christ today who accepted Jesus into her heart last night. I am also grateful that more than 30 other students were able to hear the Gospel last night.

I am grateful for how much the Lord has blessed us on this trip and I will continue to give him praise for his provision. It is forever true that out of the darkness beauty will rise and He floods the world with His light continually.

As always all the glory be His.

The Problem with Pain

I will preface that I have yet to read C.S. Lewis' Problem with Pain. However, with the difficult circumstances that have arisen, I have a few observations of my own.

For instance, it is one thing to know Biblical truth and quite another to be able to truly believe that it is ultimately true. Because it is no longer just a theological issue anymore. It is real life and real life is messy and it hurts. It directly affects me and the people around me.

That is not to say that there is no power in the Scriptures because that is a lie, but I will have continue to struggle with my convictions that the Word is truth that can speak into my life.

I think Lewis faced a similar problem in his own life. He wrote a theological piece on the problems that come with suffering, but he could never truly understand it until his wife passed away. This example is specific for him, but I am experiencing some of the same feelings right now.

Initially there is a tremendous edge to the pain and suffering that socks you with full force in the face. You do not know what to do. You cannot comprehend what is going on, but you have to wrestle and work through the reality all the same.

There are questions floating through your mind and there seem to be very few answers to follow them up. Talking and being ministered to by other people is often good but it never can change the bottom line. At the end of each of those fruitful conversations there is still the same reality of pain and suffering.

After this initial coping stage there are moments when you almost become numb to the feelings. You no longer want to have to deal with them or accept them for what they are. You want to be alone but in the same instance you do not. Your own thoughts are a frightening place to be and it can be painful. At least with others you can hide from the hurt for a little while, receive a little respite from the anguish. But there is a tendency to be aloof in the moments when the mind has time to wander in the company of others.

Kubler-Ross have a model for the 5 stages of grief and I suppose that might be helpful for some people to process, but ultimately it is only a list. Who knows if these men ever experienced pain? Who knows if they thought that this model could even help people in pain?

Because we can talk about it theologically like Lewis or put labels on it like Kubler-Ross, but at the end of the day it is very much so an emotional issue. When the emotions are high, a hug, a lyric from a song, or a moment in Scripture is far more powerful. Maybe that is just for me but others might feel that way too.

The problem with pain is that we live in a broken world and we will never be able to escape it or truly comprehend it. We must wrestle with it until the end of our days and do the best we can to turn to God and let others love us in these trialling times.

 David was one who was prone to songs and psalms when he was questioning God. Here are his words in Psalm 13:

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord's praise,
for he has been good to me.

Despite the somberness of this post I am thankful for what the Lord has been doing in Puerto Rico and I look forward to sharing more about our last week of ministry soon.

All the Glory to Him.

Our God is in Control

Without going into too much detail I can say that the Lord has certainly shook my world in numerous ways the last several days. I wrote about A Grief Observed earlier and yet I seemingly had little concept of what the term actually meant. We can never expect to understand grief and suffering as our Lord did, but we can continue to grow in our trust and belief in His faithfulness. Now is such a moment where I need to trust in His great faithfulness.

However, in the moment it can be very difficult to surrender to His will and plan, because we are humans and how can we expect to understand suffering and why things happen the ways they do? It is never easy and it always hurts.

In such moments it is extremely important to cling even closer to the Lord by turning to His scripture and even music can be helpful to process because our hearts are heavy and our minds are too weary to think properly. Since I was in such a place, I meditated over some verses and a few songs.

"I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die..."

"When Jesus saw [Mary] weeping...he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled...Jesus wept." ~ John 11

Please pray for all the suffering and pain that engulfs this world and that all peoples might be comforted in their grief for Our God is in Control. We may have questions on questions but despite how hard it is to acknowledge in these hard times my lips will always say, "Whate'er my God Ordains is Right." Let that be our prayer today because the Lord shares our pain and He is deeply troubled by our suffering.

All the glory to Him.

Transforming Culture

In our book club this week we had an in depth discussion on cultural transformation as it pertains to the life of William Carey. Honestly I came out of our time with more questions than answers and there was a lot to process through (I apologize in advance for the lack of cohesion).

When you compare what Carey accomplished during his lifetime to our generation it can be mind blowing to say the least.

We come out of a group of individuals who enter the college world not wholly prepared to defend our beliefs and oftentimes we don't even know what our ideologies are. This applies to Christians and non-Christians alike. A term that I have heard tossed around is Moralistic Therapeutic Deism (MTD) which basically describes the modern Christian generally. God is often put in a dropbox that is only opened when necessary and a few core beliefs are held but no relationship is formed. Thus, if an individual is not transformed, no cultural transformation can take place.

One example are professors in Universities across the nation. It is often considered a domain for the liberals and thinkers who are totally in opposition to Christianity. Why is this? Why are the institutions that were often founded by Christians, no longer filled by modern Christians intent on higher level thinking while also striving for answers and openly dialoguing. These people exist certainly but they seem few and far between.

As a short aside, knowledge is certainly good but it is not the be all end all and we can never expect to be fully competent. That is one of the beauties of the body of Christ because each of us often have various areas of knowledge that allow us to do so much more as a community. We will be so much more effective if we all following our varying passions and areas of expertise to change culture.

When you look back on our history at names like Galileo, Newton, and even Faraday these were men who cherished not only God but also discovering what made the world tick.

The likes of William Carey and even William Wilberforce were spiritual men for sure but they also transformed the English and Indian cultures because their ideals so pervaded their vocations and goals in life.

It makes me wonder why things seem so different nowadays? How come higher level thinking, science, and even government must be so polarized and removed from our beliefs in this modern generation?

Here were men who generally had a solid foundation in the faith and they did not force their beliefs on others. It was not their habit to shove their convictions down the throat of their contemporaries. Still their society was so radically influenced by their Christian walks. The infrastructure of India, the slave trade in England,  the scientific world and so much more was turned upside down by this type of "marketplace ministry."

Their vocation and passion therefore was not separate from their faith and it did not need to be. My prayer is that Christians and Churches might create culture and ultimately dictate culture. This goes beyond the university campus and has major implications for the rest of our lives. There is still a lot to chew on but this is the place I am at right now.

As always all the glory be His.

Images of Puerto Rico

Our Entry way

Church at The Movement

Mayaguez

Chico Team with Gabriel and Diego

Soccer, Fellowship and a Christ-Centered Community

This past evening was one of the most satisfying in a long time. We had planned an outreach on the Mayaguez campus so we could gather students together and get to know them better. We wanted to have a massive soccer game complemented by Spikeball nets, pizza and drinks.

As per normal procedure we flyered all day and texted all the acquaintances we had met.  The surprising thing is that most everybody came. That probably would not happen in the States. The second fact is that our friends were not there just to get pizza and move on with there evening. They came ready to be relational and wanting to hang out with us.

It is humbling to think of all the peoples represented there. There were over 35 students in all and our team and some others on top of that. We had people from all across the island, Mayaguez students (undergrad and grad), California natives, a person from Germany, Venezuela, 3 guys we met on a beach, Christians, Catholics, and even Atheists.

About everyone and anyone we could think of was gathered there not because of anything that we did through Cru, but because of the great faithfulness of the Lord.  I cannot think of any other way that such a wonderfully diverse group of people could be gathered to together. This is what a Christ-centered community looked like to me. This was no Holy Huddle or Christian Bubble. The invitation was open to all and all were welcome. There was no judgment only love and truth.

That aside, it was an awesome evening where I got to indulge my love for soccer with many of my friends and numerous new ones that I made. I was soaked head to toe with sweat for almost the entire evening, loving every minute of it. I forgot about the cut that reopened on my knee and my sore sprained ankle wrapped in an ace bandage. All I could do was marvel at how wonderful the time was.

It was such a gratifying evening because it felt like we finally got to love on the students and people of Puerto Rico on a grand scale. We fed them, got to know them, and shared Christ’s love with them.

We can share as much as we want on campus and talk all the theology in the evenings until our throats are sore, but as Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians if we do not have love we are nothing and we gain nothing. When it all comes down to it the bottom line is loving the Lord and loving others well. I am so thankful for the opportunity to do both today and I cannot wait to do it again because it was a joy not a burden.

Please pray that future outreaches that we have can be just as life giving and we can continue building relationships with students. Also, students are going through finals so pray for wisdom and diligence in their studies. All the glory be His. 

A Grief Observed

Just a few days ago an ambulance came up our hill one evening only to stop at the house next door to us.  Our landlord Roger lives there while the main house is full and he gave us the news that his tenant had died. We never met her (a couple of our teammates had seen her), but she kept to herself and she had struggled with alcohol and even drunk driving. The effects were evident with beer cans all over her apartment and a totaled car practically sitting on her doorstep.

At the time it did not hit me that someone had died or at least it was not painful since I did not know this lady at all. However, the next morning Roger came over to explain that he was completely gutting and cleaning the apartment. He was the one who found the body and he was intent on transforming the area before the tenant’s son came by to pick up her things. Her son was around our age, maybe a little older. As for the tenant everyone had given up on her a long time ago, even Roger. She had gone to rehab only to fall back into her old habits of alcoholism.

By this point I was moved. How could I not be? If only this lady had known the God of second chances who opens up His arms even when we turn away again and again. Humans can only forgive so much but His grace and compassion are never ending.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:2 it says:

“Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.”

This wonderful news for believers but then oh so quickly my heart begs the question, “What about those with “no hope” and those who are not “in him?”

Roger’s tenant, I can only imagine was not a believer, like Roger himself is not a believer. It pains my heart and soul to think of it and to wrestle with this reality. There is a sense of helplessness and guilt that I could have reached this woman. Our team could have reached this woman if only we had known. However, now she is no longer with us and there is nothing we can do. We our powerless against the grave, only Christ can conquer it.

That right now is my only hope in this moment, that God is a just God. He is good and right and he wants all His creation to be brought back to himself.

It says in 2 Thessalonians 1 that:

“All this is evidence that God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering. God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you and give relief to you who are troubled, and to us as well.”

I do not have all the answers and I will continue to struggle with this issue of the unsaved.

Please pray that this experience will increase my urgency for reaching non-believers and also our drive as a team to continue ministering to Roger in this time. All the glory be His.

"It is hard to have patience with people who say, 'There is no death' or 'Death doesn't matter.' There is death. And whatever is matters. And whatever happens has consequences, and it and they are irrevocable and irreversible. You might as well say that birth doesn't matter."

~ C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed