Advent: I'll Be Home for Christmas

The very fact that I've been away from this blog so long might suggest something about the season of life that I'm in right now. It's busy. I feel unmotivated at times. There are continued disciplines in prayer and scripture reading, but that doesn't always mean that I feel like I'm growing. 

But recently I had the great joy to have one of my close friends spend the week with me and true I had work during the day and those responsibilities to think about but in the evenings he blessed me with wonderful life-giving conversation. 

We talked about many things, spiritual and not, but what of the discussions that really struck me was this idea that everyone is looking for HOME, whatever that means. And often Christians are looking for that within the church community. They are looking for a place to feel same, a place to be poured into, a place to call their own and be their self.

If we take it a step further still, that's ultimately what Jesus did for all of humanity. Here He was fully God and he left his Heavenly Home, humbled himself and came to earth as this humble baby in a lowly manger stall in Bethlehem. Do we even understand how drastic a change this is? Have we gotten into our heads what this means?

He left his perfect home where he had divine fellowship and came to our broken world to bring home to us now. If we look at his ministry years that's really what he was doing. Getting to know people. Teaching them. Healing them. Breaking bread with them in their homes. And it didn't matter what kind of home they had before. He was looking to bring them the true and everlasting eternal home that comes with the Good News of the Gospel. 

That home has come but it is also promised for eternity! Thus, it seems obvious that as Christians we are called in a sense to make home on earth for other people. Developing Christ-centered communities with others so that we can bring others in to find belonging, hope, and ultimately renewal through the very fact that they too can have a relationship with the God of the Universe. 

My very last day of work before Christmas I was walking down the street and it hit me. Taken in this light, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" is really a song of Advent. Because we are waiting expectantly to be taken home by our Heavenly Father but He has also graciously provided home to us now through his son. That is something that we can plan on and it won't be in our dreams. 

Merry Christmas to all!

All the Glory to Him.

Thoughts on Culture Making

This past month I've been reading Andy Crouch's informative book called Culture Making: Recovering our Creative Calling and it's been a thought-provoking discussion on how Christians are supposed to "engage with culture" in a sense. This is a topic that I'm particularly passionate about, not only as it pertains to film and music, but all types of art because so often it seems like Christians either isolate themselves from the culture completely or completely immerse themselves within its folds until they reflect it.

In fact, Andy Crouch lays the groundwork for the many different approaches we can have towards culture which is all very conveniently relayed to the reader through various words beginning with the letter "C." First, we can condemn culture for its many flaws and the things that we see amidst it that is wrong or debased. The next strategy is critiquing culture (something that I've tried to hone in on) and yet this approach often means we acknowledge the good and bad in the culture without actually enacting any type of change.

Also, it's very easy to consume culture without any sort of consideration for what we are ingesting. The same goes for copying culture. The fault with that is we are simply reflecting the world and not adding something new to the cultural conversation. The important distinction to make is that all these approaches are necessary at one point or another but they are not the answer all the time.

What Crouch really entreats of his readers is that they create culture as well as cultivate their own talents and the culture that is already available to them so they can have an impact in their sphere of influence.

Although it's hardly exhaustive, he goes through scripture in an abridged fashion to show just how our God is truly the Creator and he created us in such a way that we might reflect him as people made in his image. In Genesis, he created a framework, a sandbox in a sense for us to be creators and cultivators of the earth much in the same way that He is. It is built into our very existence to be creators and to be workers.

Crouch makes the point that Israel as God's chosen people had no way of removing themselves from the culture around them and so in that way, they were constantly forced to be a part of the culture that existed around them. Furthermore, the tower Babel is the ultimate example of our creative powers and cultivating abilities being perverted in such a way that God was forced to step in and impose himself on his Creation.

Then, Acts is another important piece of this cultural narrative because it is really in this moment that the narrative of the Creator of the Universe through Jesus Christ is being preached to every nation from Jerusalem, Samaria and to the ends of the earth. So once more this cultural exchange and world change is happening on a seismic level as the radical power of the Gospel begins to move rapidly.

Finally, going to Revelation, the connection is made back to Genesis and there are a great many details that I cannot articulate, but essentially all that was present in the beginning has now been cultivated to its utmost capacity. And eternity, far from being a stagnant picture is potentially full of cultural activity and cultivation. At this point, we would not expect anything less. But still, it was a wonderful reminder because our God truly is THE CREATOR and he has called us to be the same, imperfect as we may be.

Early on Crouch gave me a particular conviction to continue pursuing what I am passionate about which is film. Writing about film, talking to others about film, and maybe even helping making films of my own. He gave the example of a scriptwriter needing to watch films, hone their trade and continually cultivate their skills with discipline so that they might  use the full capacity of their talents to create culture.

This entire book was really a call to arms not to just be one to critique culture but to also be someone audacious enough to create culture and place myself within the cultural discussion that is constantly being advanced. But Culture Makers also gave me an important check. Before I go after these high-minded, idealistic attempts to have this monumental industry on the film industry or the culture of large, I need a dose of humility.

I need to be reminded of the extent of my "world" and God's will with my attempt at cultural activity. In my own mind, I have these grand designs like I was saying about how I'm going to have a major impact. True, a great deal of this is out of sincerity because I desire to see continued cultural change in the contemporary media, namely the film industry. However, before any desire for acclaim begins to fester, I need to be reminded even more so that perhaps God's "world" for me is only the people at my work or the few people I interact with every day. I can have just as meaningful an impact on that level and even if my grand ambitions do not come to fruition as I envision, so be it. God can still use me as a culture maker -- living out my design as a creator made in his image. That is enough.

I look forward to starting to read one of the preeminent Christians on topics of culture in Francis Schaeffer. But I already have a great deal to think about.

All the glory to Him,

The Four Loves and Where the Light Shines Through

I've been a little slow in getting a new post out as I have entered an exciting new chapter in my life, which nevertheless has made things a little bit hectic the last several weeks. However, there are two things that I am eager to talk about because they have been fairly impactful during these same weeks.

C.S. Lewis's Four Loves is a short read but it's been thoroughly engaging in the way that Clives Staples is always engaging. He breaks down the book into the eponymous loves: Affection, Friendship, Eros and Charity. And although he says a great deal that is eye-opening on it all, I will try and collect a few morsels that stood out in my mind.

The first things have to do with friendship. If you've listened to Tim Keller before he used Lewis's example about his friends Ronald and Christopher to illustrate a key point. When Christopher died, far from having more of Ronald, Lewis received less of him because it's in try fellowship with numerous people that we see more and more of others revealed. Different sides or aspects to them that we would have never been able to bring out on our own. And that's the beauty of the body of Christ and living in community with a great multitude of believers. It enriches our relationships.

Another thing Lewis brought my attention to is the fact that all great movements, religions, and what have you got started because at a most basic level people would actually sit together across from each other and talk. They would have deep conversations and actually get to know each other on a far deeper level. Apart from just being a theory, Lewis enacted this in his own life as the Inklings, the group of writers who came together for discourse and closer still, friendship.

I think Lewis has a point and unfortunately it seems like our modern generation, our modern culture has lost some of that tendency. We have Facebook friends and Twitter feeds that hardly foster deep conversation. They either give us surface level sensory overload or lead to raging spats that serve no obvious purpose but to tear people apart from one another. The art of honest to goodness conversation is slowly being lost and much of that is often sucked away by our technology averting our attention.

One final point that Lewis made that was especially enlightening suggests that friendships do not reflect how great we are because of the people that happen to be in our lives, but they are only a further reflection of how great God is.  It shows how faithful he is in our lives to give us friendships that we do not deserve. Friendships that would otherwise be a shambles or not exist altogether without his good graces. In other words, our Friendships add yet another crown to his glory. Imagine that. That's pretty cool....

More recently, with all the unrest shaking the world at home and abroad, I've been deeply comforted by the latest album by Switchfoot. It's aptly titled, "Where the Light Shines Through" and it perfectly encapsulates how many people feel right now or want to feel. It's joyful but underlying that joy is an honesty about the confusion and brokenness that still overtakes our world. Here are a couple tracks I recommend. I'll leave it at that.

All the glory to Him,

Refined by Fire and Culture

Last night and this morning I had the opportunity to listen to two very poignant sermons that really resonated with me.

The first was given by the joyously enthusiastic James White who spoke in particularly on Daniel Chapter 3 and the narrative of how God delivered Radshack, Meshach, and Abendego from Nebuchadnezzar's fiery furnace. There were a number of things that stood out including the fact that these three men were not cocky in defying the Babylonian king but they knew the truth, the reality that there God was the one true God and they were not going to be compromised in their faith.

Pastor White also looked in depth at this imagery of fire, suggesting how often God reveals himself in the flame and we can use this metaphor in our own lives. We are constantly being assaulted by trial and tribulations, going through the fire in a sense, but it's in precisely these moments that God continues to refine us more and more in his image. We are supposed to become more and more like him and how is that possible without adversity that forces us to trust completely in Him.

These past weeks, these past four years and really for much of my life, I'm always wrestling with difficulties and those prayers that seemingly went unanswered. I'm happy now that my prayers have progressed a little bit. In my baby steps, I've moved from simply saying "Why God?" to "How are you going to reveal yourself in these circumstances, God?" And wouldn't you know, God always does show up. But its in those interim periods, those "meanwhile" moments that are paramount to my own growth.

We live in a society that believes that the point of life is to be continually happy, avoiding all types of difficulty and hardship so we can live a life of perfect tranquility. First of all, no life is like that and secondly, is that really the best type of existence that we can have? The moments that I often remember the most are the difficult ones because it was in the wake of such struggles like tragedy, sickness, death and failure that I saw God more clearly. He also uses those circumstances to reveal the character of those around. We can more fully appreciate the gifts that he has given them because they can bless us just as we can, in turn, bless them in their moments of struggle. That's awesome...


As I enter a new stage in life and a new job it's was equally pertinent to listen to Tim Keller's Sermon on Culture and the picture we are given in Isaiah of a thriving Jerusalem that in many ways seems like a picture of what eternity will look like. The beauty of this image is the implication that our vocations will almost have eternal significance because from the beginning our God was a creator a cultivator and a worker.

That means that those same principles apply to us and when we are doing work, in a way, that is glorifying him, we are reflecting his character for others to see. We are, in a sense, more in his likeness. That's why it is misguided to say that only a certain vocation or passion is doing the work of God because that is simply not the case. But also, it seems to make it clear that eternity will be even more fulfilling than are present lives. They'll still be a need for workers, creators, and culture-makers but the difference is that we will have our fully glorified bodies and also be in perfect community with our Lord and savior. As I get ready to go into my first real job that is an exciting perspective for me to take on in light of eternity.

Fallen Star

There's a special house at UCSD. It's not real, but only a piece of art that for all intent and purposes looks like a real house and it's furnished with all the trappings we expect in a home. However, this building hangs off the side of the engineering building on campus in plain sight of anyone who turns their eyes heavenward for even a brief moment.

It bears the name Fallen Star for significant reasons and there's a universality to its moniker. Physically the home is disorientating. Inside its walls our realty is made subjective, our point of view and everything we accept as true is shaken up for a few brief moment. We are forced to question all that we know to be true and truly view the world around us in a different way.

And thus, this physical manifestation becomes a perfect symbol for the reality that most every person goes through. In high school when we're maturing and trying to figure out who we are amidst waves of peer pressure. Starting off college, entering a foreign environment with new challenges, not knowing what to expect and not knowing where we'll be. Leaving college going off into the great unknown of the work force and continued life with other people.

And the beauty is that we are never actually there, because until the day that we die we will be sojourners in an unknown land. There's always a road to be traversed, new paths to be traveled into the unknown. Thus, the Fallen Star is always pertinent, because in some way shape or form we exist in the realm of the uncertain.

As we grow older we become less shaken and more comfortable, but in our youthfulness we can often get wade down by storm of doubt and anxiety. Our equilibrium is shifted and we are forced to question all that we once knew. But out of this difficulty comes great things that we could never expect, forcing us to shed our old skins and look at the world with new eyes.

While I look back at my four years of college I can see the cycles in my life more clearly. I can remember feeling like a Falling Star when I first got to this university that I felt unfit for. This wasn't the school for me. I was waiting for God to show me why he even placed me here. Sure enough, over months and quarters and years he has. Refining me, humbling me, forcing me to step out in faith and ultimately causing me to become more content in him -- through the joys and the trials.

Now this chapter is coming to a close and I look back rather wistfully, but I have more contentment and hope than regret, because I saw God do big things in my life and I know he will continue doing just the same. So perhaps I am once again leaving UCSD a Fallen Star, transplanted and turned upside down, but then again that's what God did with the entire paradigm of civilization. Through the death of his Son Jesus Christ he turned the world upside down and that means we live our lives not worrying about anything.

Because what's the bottom line? In our confusion, disorientation, backwardness, and upside down state, our God is right side up, perfectly all knowing and sovereign over all of us. He's got the stars in his hands and we can be totally content in the fact that he will continue a good work in us -- even in our fallen state.

God's Plan (Not Ours)

It's interesting how God is really and truly the one who has the master plan for our lives. Whatever seems rational, whatever seems right and good, that might not be exactly what He wants for us. Time and time again we see always in hindsight what He was doing, but in the present sometimes it is incredibly hard to see his providence in our lives. But sure enough, it's always working, sometimes obviously, sometimes behind the scenes.

In Cru there is a booklet called Knowing God Personally which is simply an easy aid to help and try and explain the Gospel and the Christian life to other people. The first point goes like this: God loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives. I know it, but I don't always believe it. I hear those words, but don't often see it. 

It's nothing to get too caught up in, because it's just a fact. He is God and I am not. But he also extends us grace. I was reading through my bible today and in Job there is the memorable verse where the Lord of the Heavens and the Earth flat out says, "Where were you when I formed the foundations of the earth?" It's true. I wasn't anywhere and I wouldn't be anywhere better than that if it was not for Jesus Christ. Thus, when Christ encourages us to abide in Him, it's not always an easy entreaty, but they are words that we can trust. 

Even today, spaced out through a couple hours, I bumped into a roommate, had a short chat with an old roommate, and met two students from another campus ministry as they were going out to meet students on campus. They were these little interpersonal interactions, but with these interactions it was as if God was not going to let me alone and was really revealing that he is watching out for me. Yes, he does love me. Yes, he does have a plan for my life. 

I scratch my head. I question. I wonder why. And that's okay, but the bottom line is that I am rooted in Christ, connected with a community, but ultimately rooted in Him, abiding in his love and filled with his joy. I've heard it said that happiness is transient by joy comes in all circumstances, even the hard ones.

Recently I also started returning to some wonderful hymns from the people at Indelible Grace Music and the words and music in tandem have been equally stirring to me. They feel honest, real and truly beautiful. Listening to the words from the likes of John Newton and Martin Luther is really a treat. 

As always, all the glory to Him.

Being Content with Who I Am

It's been a pleasure recently to really dig deep when it comes to the book of Acts, because this is a really exciting narrative. This is the origins of the church. The first things going on after the ascension of Christ. It's because of this story that you and me are probably even Christians. This is how the Church continued and how the Way aka Christianity remained for centuries. It all starts here! That's exciting!

And it all feels so real, so believable, because I can look at my own life and think of people kind of like Peter, a bit like a Paul, or a Stephen, a Philip, a Barnabas, an Ananias, a Timothy, or even an Apollos. So maybe we don't know a ton about all of these guys, but they all had a part in spreading the Gospel and that's the bottom line. Still, I go even further and look at myself to see who I am most like.

If I know myself, I know I don't have the boldness or verbal tenacity of Peter. I didn't have some life-changing spiritual shift like Paul. I lack the boldness of of Apollo or even the boldness of Stephen who condemned those around him even as he asked the Lord to forgive them while they stoned him. And for that matter, I have yet to be and I hope I will not be a true martyr.

That does not mean not dying to yourself and I am continually trying to do that and push forward in that living a sacrificial life putting others before myself and really reflecting a life that is continually abiding and relying on God. That is one of my attributes. I am a loyal and faithful individual whether that means as a friend or a leader. And in truth, I fail even in that at times, but I look at a person even like Ananias and I really resonate with him. He's not some huge, memorable, biblical titan like Peter or Paul, but he was faithful to the Lord and he trusted in Him alone. He was prepared to welcome Paul into the family and he followed the Lord's lead.

Then there's Philip. If it is the same Philip, then he like Stephen had a pretty humble position. He was supposed to distribute the resources and make sure the widows had what they needed. And yet it was this person that God used to reach others. Whereas Stephen gave this remarkably stirring speech to the hardened Israelites, Philip was actually one of those who went out in the wake of the persecution of the church. And on the road he met the Ethiopian eunuch who was trying to comprehend the scriptures. It was Philip who was in the right place that moment as God had ordained and he gently guided the eunuch so that he could better understand the scripture. I doubt that Philip was as learned as Saul and others, but still the Lord used him as he can use me despite my inadequacy and ignorance in some respects.

Thus, I will remain content in that, because all the Lord is asking for is a willingness to serve and He can do the rest through me. In other words, I don't have to worry about who I am, all I need to do is focus on I AM. That is enough.

Genealogy

I'm not sure if it's because I was getting nostalgic or because I love history so much, maybe both, but I was thinking about how scripture lays out a genealogy, whether it is in the Old Testament or to show the intricate lineage of Christ at the beginning of Matthew. 

These words usually lose their significance and become droll reading. But can you imagine what those words would become if each and everyone of those names brought individual importance to us with all the connotations that go with that. Imagining that our God in heaven looks at each one of those names knowingly, because everyone holds some sort of divine significance in his grand plan.

It brings to mind one of my favorite sections in scripture in Hebrews 12:1 where the author considers how we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. I love that! It's so cool, so humbling, so awe-inducing. The fact that we are a part of something so much greater than me, you, all our mistakes, and even our individual successes. That's awesome that we have the privilege to be privy to God's master plan in a sense. That is to spread the Gospel, making disciples of men, while loving our Lord and loving others even more than we love ourselves. 

Bringing it back into my own realm, I think of my last four years and the lineage that of have been able to be apart of through a campus ministry. I've  literally intersected, criss-crossed, and overlapped with more fellow believers than I can even bring to mind at one time. 

Some graduated, some stuck around for awhile, some moved on, others I knew for only a few weeks, more I probably only met once or twice, but there were undoubtedly so many people who shaped my growth as a believer and also influenced the world for the good of the kingdom. 

I think of our own movement, and I'll label those who came before us "the pioneers," because they were a fledgling band to begin with, but it's awesome to see how faithful the Lord has been with their work. What followed was our freshmen class, a group that truly bonded and we had enough numbers to become a close-knit community that in many ways became sort of a nucleus for our ministry. At the beginning of this year I wanted to make sure that we left our movement in such a place that it would be flourishing without us, and although I cannot know God's plans I am confident that he will continually be faithful, because I have already seen him begin working in the other classes. 

Our sophomore class who we still somewhat consider "the freshmen" are now coming into their own element, taking on more responsibility, and building their own close knit community which while still connected to the greater body reflect what we began our freshmen year. And our freshmen, our real freshmen, seem to be beginning to understand what it means to be committed to Christ, part of a greater body of believers. 

This is not really for my own edification, but a thanks to all those who came before us as students and cultivated us, because your kindness, love, and faithfulness was not in vain. We are getting to seemingly see some of the fruit of your labor as we continue to attempt cultivate younger believers like you did with us. 

Now I'm making this sound like some grand, amazing, extraordinary thing that's been unfolding in front of my eyes step by step and day by day. But it doesn't usually look like that, because we are imperfect, get easily distracted, turned off, and so on. But God's plan is bigger and He is working behind the scenes. 

To all who are younger, remember what Paul said to Timothy, Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young. I even have to remind myself of that. And furthermore the best advice comes straight from Christ, 

"Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandmnets and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." ~ John 15

My prayer is that God's joy may be in all of us no matter what, because we are people so rooted in Him. We know our lineage, we know our family, we know our calling, and we are joint heirs in Christ. Don't take that lightly, but enjoy it!

All the glory to him, 

Coming Full Circle

It's true that God has a plan for each and everyone of our lives and I'd like to think he has a sense of humor. Just look at how he constructs our lives. You could not write some of this stuff better. In my own circumstances he put me at a school that I definitely didn't want to be at freshmen year and now four years later and I don't want to leave. 

What led to such a drastic change in my own mindset? A great deal, but I would say that at the core of my own shift was Christ. In my efforts to pursue him more in college, he blessed my with friends and a community of believers also searching after him. That has made my time in college worth it just as much as the classes, the experiences, and all the other things I have been blessed with and hit with these last four years. 

Recently as I started getting nostalgic and maybe waxing a little poetic about my college years, I thought about how God has worked in my life. For instance, I already mentioned my admiration for Switchfoot and front man Jon Foreman, but when I heard they came out of UCSD I took them as my own. They were like me, writing their songs out of places I had been physically and emotionally. I cannot downplay their impact. 

However, I also still remember a sermon freshmen year and honestly I cannot really remember all that much except it was about the older brother in the prodigal son narrative. I'm not sure if it was related to the message or not, but I just remember coming out of that truly reassured that God had put me at UCSD  for a purpose, even if I didn't know it yet. 

Then I also distinctly remember praying a prayer earnestly to the Lord shortly thereafter. Please Lord give me a really good friend! I don't need a lot of friends necessarily, but at least one that I'm really close to. It didn't see like it would happen in this massive wasteland also known as UCSD, but was faithful. He raised up out of my own college a best friend, out of the few people I knew. As a result, I made a great many friends that I have and will cherish, but that one was the beginning and God really and truly answered that prayer. 

On a different note, I was just recently talking to one of my roommates about how I remember each year of college by the place I lived. Otherwise, all the experiences often blur together or fade away, making it difficult to differentiate one from the other. Each place has memories, some better than others, but all important to this experience. 

I will say I was happy to get out of the freshmen res hall for good, sophomore year apartments were the best and I look back fondly. Living off campus with different people is obviously a starkly different experience with major pros and some cons. I wouldn't trade them at this point. 

As I sat in the Radiate Cru conference in the midst of my worship I was reminded of the first conference I ever went to. It was actually a fall retreat, but there were some similar experiences. Here I was worshiping with other people I deeply appreciated and here I was worshiping in a way that I really never had before. I come from a Presbyterian background and while I appreciate that immensely it's great and necessary to have other worship experiences. There's something about worshiping for minutes on end until your feet are fatigued and your voice is almost hoarse with exhaustion. You still sing on uninhibited and it's a great offering up to the Lord. 

At the conference one of the talks also talked about Hebrews 11 where, by faith, Bibical heroes like Abraham carried on God's call faithfully. I can still remember that same Fall Retreat where the talk was on the chapter after that. Hebrews 12. I had heard it before, but it never impacted as much as that Sunday morning. The idea that there is a cloud of witnesses around us, and there is solidarity as we run this race towards the finish line. It's a stirring encouraging picture and I have never forgot it. It gives me context for my own spiritual journey in light of world history and eternal perspective. 

But up into this point, I haven't said much about God's supposed sense of humor, only his faithfulness, which has been extremely evident. Well, how do you explain that I wound up leading a bible study in my old res hall from freshmen year. Same building, same rooms, same couches. You cannot make stuff like this up. I really thought I'd never have to come back here and yet God brought me back to be a light here once more. 

All I can do is thank Him for how he has blessed me and give Him all the glory. 

Souvenirs

Here’s to the twilight

Here’s to the memories

These are my souvenirs

My mental pictures of everything

Here’s to the late nights

Here’s to the firelight

These are my souvenirs

My souvenirs

~ Souvenirs by Switchfoot

Last night I got the privilege to see one of my personal heroes in my own home of these past four years. He blessed us with a few songs: "Only Hope," "Terminal," and "Dare You to Move," while weaving together a message through this tapestry of song and spoken words.

The overarching theme of the night was that each of us has a song inside of us that we need to unearth (There's a song inside of my soul. It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again), by digging through all the crevices of our lives including all the darkness and finding what makes us truly sing. And of course, in our singing, just like our Creator in Genesis, we give Him immense joy, even in our weakness. Because we are terminal beings (We are the living souls, with terminal hearts, with terminal parts) in need of a Savior.

Thanks be to God then, that wretched man that I am he can and will deliver me from my sin. Such a reality lets us move forward with almost a radical fearlessness. We can step into the tension, the wrong notes, and the messiness in our lives and accept it for what it is (The tension is here. The tension is here. Between who you are and who you could be. Between how it is and how it should be). We can struggle and kick and claw and ultimately accept life for what it is. There is oftentimes immense beauty in these discordant notes in life. As with anything, this extreme polarity of joy and pain, only makes the sweeter notes all the more rewarding. There is beauty that rises out of that tension. 

Foreman suggested that makes it worthwhile to step into the suffering, confusion, and apathy, because those are very honest and human states. And we already have confidence that salvation is here. It was a stirring reminder, a little nugget of an evening that I will probably carry with me for sometime. I'll try not to by hyperbolic, but I think some of the reason the evening was so moving, upon reflection, is that it felt like in some ways like I'm coming full circle.

In fact, I have always admired Jon Foreman greatly ever since I listened to my older brother's CDs of "Learning to Breathe" and "The Beautiful Letdown" as a kid. But Switchfoot and specifically Jon Foreman, as a thinker, believer, artists, and fellow UCSD student, really resonated with me when I got to San Diego. 

When I look back now, it's almost hard to remember those days of doubt and insecurity when I thought that God had placed me at the wrong school. Or at least I wasn't sure why I was at UCSD. I have different doubts now, as I always seem to have, but Jon has always been sort of a kindred spirit. 

When I learned a little bit of his backstory, he seemed all the more relatable and his music took on even greater personal significance, because it felt like he was coming out of some the same places as me. He was thinking and struggling with many of the things I had, and he also was a very thoughtful person when it came to the complex issues of life. He even inspired me to try my hand at Soren Kierkegaard and Augustine, which proved to be very tough going on both accounts. But I'm immensely glad I did. 

His music has really been the soundtrack of my life these past four years. There are so many songs that I have listened to time and time again, whether I was making the long trek across campus or simply sitting somewhere contemplating life. These songs fit every situation and they spoke into different concerns of my own life at different times. The music felt like it was meant for me.

Truth be told, I went through different cycles with various songs and yet a lot of them still resonate with me. My college years have bred apathy at times. I've striven for meaningful relationships in this labyrinth of concrete and calculations. I've struggled with pain and fallen prey to doubt more times than I can even remember. Technology often sucks my soul dry. And yet again and again I return to a God who loves and cherishes me, yearns for justice and to bring his children home to him. I'm constantly fluctuating through all the high and lows of the human experience.

Thus, there's no rhyme or reason to these tunes. It's a very eclectic bunch, but I'm grateful to Jon for penning them, because they were greatly appreciated -- for their beauty, clarity, and honesty. I hope that someday, whatever I do, I might point people towards Christ and in the same breath lift them up and speak into their lives like he has spoken into mine. Without further ado, here is my personal list of souvenirs courtesy of Jon Foreman. Give them a listen if you're so inclined.

• Chem 6A
• Concrete Girl
• Give Me Back My Girl
• When we Come Alive
• Easier than Love
• Faust Midas and Myself
• Let Your Love Be Strong
• Your Love is Strong
• Equally Skilled
• Instead of a Show
• Let That Be Enough
• A Mirror is Much Harder to Hold
• Birthright
• Caroline
• Against the Voices
• Sorrow
• June and Johnny
• Drums of War
• Betrayal
• Again
• Ghost Machine
• When We Collide
• Inheritance
• Evergreen