Burnout

In one of my classes today we talked briefly about the concept of burnout which can manifest itself in multiple ways. There is your everyday exhaustion, then depersonalization and finally reduced personal accomplishment.

I know I have mentioned previously that I have felt exhausted, but this last week or two I have  been relatively rested physically (Sickness and sleep aside). However, if I am allowed to say so I do feel burned out. There are other types of jadedness beyond the physical. Furthermore, my mood has not been the best. I do not often show it overtly, but recently I have felt like I could be more understanding and compassionate towards others. Finally, in some ways there has been low personal motivation to push on in certain areas.

So in other words health wise and with school I feel alright, but my spiritual walk is affected by a kind of burnout that I want to remedy. I want to love others well and I want to do it with a joyful heart. I'm still trying to wrestle with what that looks like. Maybe this is just a season that I am going through. Maybe my role will become more clear presently. As of right now I'm not quite sure what to think.

I will continue to hopefully to get to know others on an intentional level. I will continue serving as best as I know how. I will continue striving to learn more and hone my skills. But it all means little if Christ is not at the center of my existence.

Recently I had a sort of revelation when I recalled this well-known verse from Romans 8:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~ Romans 8 38-39

When Paul makes this assertion he mentions some "bad things" like death or demons, but his statement is meant to be infinitely vast in size and scope since he is describing the most extravagant love in the entire universe. It seems like it can be implied then that not only bad things, but also so-called "good things" can get in the way of our walk with Him; maybe even "Christian things."

 I often call this irony "The Mary and Martha Conundrum," because I see it often in my own life. Like Martha I put the priority on service and what needs to get done practically which is not altogether bad. But as a result I can get annoyed and have a bad attitude and I end up missing the point entirely. Mary had the right idea since Christ was right in front of her she sat at His feet. That's the right response but it's not always the easiest for me.

The rest of this quarter I want to struggle and fight the best I can to let nothing get in the way of my encountering the Lord. I want to sit at His feet. This passage seems to suggest that nothing can get in the way, but it does not mean nothing will.

Let us pray that the Lord's love is always in us and we never know a day when we are truly separated from His love. I will end with this quote from Soren Kierkegaard that was powerful to me as far as the way I wish to lead my life. All the Glory be His.

"What the age needs is not a genius--it has had geniuses enough, but a martyr, who in order to teach men to obey would himself be obedient unto death. What the age needs is awakening. And therefore someday, not only my writings but my whole life, all the intriguing mystery of the machine will be studied and studied. I never forget how God helps me and it is therefore my last wish that everything may be to His honour." - The Journals of Soren Kierkegaard