Friday, May 15, 2015

Anxiety of an ISFJ

This marks the longest time I've been away from the blog for awhile, but I think today merits a post on several fronts. The first being that it marks the anniversary of something very difficult that still sticks in my mind to this day. Also, today something very difficult happened as well and so it makes me think back to the message we heard last night at Cru large group. But first a little background is necessary.

Recently I have had a lot of anxiety between school, Cru leadership, other responsibilities, as well as my future plans, whether its in a few month or a few years. Even interpersonal relationships weigh on my mind. Sometimes it's like I'm just trying to go through some mental checklist to tie up loose ends so I have fewer things to worry about and I can finally enjoy my life. I think to myself if only I can overcome this or get past that I'll be fine. 

But if I know anything about life from my meager amount of time on this earth, it's that life hits hard because we live in a fallen world full of broken people and I am the first of these. I no matter how hard I try or attempt or strive towards certain things, I can never fully be the human being or live the life that I idealize. I not only want to measure up to others. I want to be above and beyond that. Now in reality I know none of that is possible, but that does not remove those types of sentiments from the annals of my brain. Maybe it's just a human reaction.

What I do know is that anxiety is a part of life and ironically that's what we talked about last night looking specifically at Matthew 6: 

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles run after all these things, and you heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

This makes it perfectly clear that there's one solution. Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and everything else will fall into place. It's hard truth to live out but it is the truth.

Another rather funny thing that happened is someone posted a humorous list of what personal meyers-briggs hell would look like and for myself (an ISFJ) it looks like this. "People you know are fighting and it's all your fault." It was a comical illustration, but it really did end up hitting home. I am someone who hates conflict and I hate being at odds. It's not the root of all my anxiety, but it easily leads to it when any such situation arises.

What is the answer that I am given: Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. That's where I need to begin.

All the glory to Him.

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